Love 4: Fever

Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever that's so hard to bear
Listen to me, baby, hear every word I say
No one can love you the way I do
'cause they don't know how to love you that way
(C) 1956 Trio Music Co

It's time to change the emphasis of this graffiti wall slightly. While your messages of love and undying affection are still welcome, I would like to also open this up to discussion about love and relationships. Tell us what makes your relationship work so well. Or maybe what you are going to do differently next time you find that person.

Who said a relationship has to 'work' to be in love. Often I think it because it may not 'work' that I love him so much.
Sometimes I Wonder. - Fri Nov 21 13:40:16 1997

I would like to find the love of my life. I believe he is in Sydney. I have been there twice and fell in love. http://members.aol.com/sportbutt/pubpage.html
sportbutt@aol.com - Tue Nov 25 0:24:55 1997

My relationship with my girlie has worked because there is only tenderness and putting each other first. I adore her and she adores me. We feel very lucky to have something so real....the little things count, ... a wink, a smile or that arm that finds its way cuddling you in the middle of the night. That's what makes us so special. I love you PPH.
Chantell xoxoxoxo - Tue Nov 25 14:41:56 1997

ok nice one.
MR .X - Wed Dec 10 4:47:55 1997

All follow me because I am the way and long live the new revolutionary king mister x, because at the end of the day who loves you.
mister x - Wed Dec 10 4:50:04 1997

mister x I love my people and my poeple love me. vote mister x for prime minister as I am god. Love to all my people. mister x.
mister x - Wed Dec 10 5:09:39 1997

mister x is the ultimate lover.
mister x - Wed Dec 10 6:06:01 1997

mister x is the ultimate lover.
mister x - Wed Dec 10 6:06:05 1997

Communication is what makes love work. I met my wonderful Baby on the internet, we wrote back and forth for two months before actually meeting. When we met, we were already way ahead of others because we had already gotten to know each through talking and writing. I love my Baby Girl and she loves me. We talk about everything and that is what keeps love alive.
Angel Girl - Wed Dec 10 12:51:49 1997

Wed Dec 10 15:00:10 1997

I made the relationship work! I ironed both of OUR Officer's uniforms, I cooked, mended, did his washing, mowed OUR lawns, fiddled around in OUR gardens, became subservient to him and loved him in general, but, as he told me the last time he beat me up and walked out on some other mans arm, I'll just have to 'get over it'. Where will I ever find another AJ?
Officer Material (or Doormat) - Sat Dec 13 22:07:34 1997

Is it possible to love a guy, and yet still want to have sex with as many other men as possible??? Someone explain this to me.
mildly confused - Sun Dec 14 17:04:19 1997

Hi a hello from a german gay
Mon Dec 15 16:50:43 1997

Dear 'mildly-confused',
Men buy 'sex' magazines. Women buy 'romance-novels'.
Men seek sexual variety.Women seek security.
....Both of the above are genetic-stereo-types.
---rise above your nature,and 'nurture' the 'ideal-person' you want to become.(...don't try to fool yourself!) Just become aware of why you want to do the things you do.
....you don't have to be a total and complete whore!....it's simply that you want to be one.
bonzo - Sat Dec 20 14:11:16 1997
...what do I know? I'm just a 'chimp'!!!
bonzo - Sat Dec 20 14:15:21 1997

'bonzo' the chimp - Sat Dec 20 14:18:14 1997

Mildly Confused: For some people it is possible, but not for everyone. Some people tend to associate sex very strongly with love, while others can have sex where there is only attraction rather than love. Others have sex for the excitement. All these are OK, as long as you have agreed on what is happening with the one you love. Talking about it together is the most important thing. Don't hide it from your partner.
Panther - Sat Dec 20 18:18:30 1997

I love my woman so much, I think my heart will burst. She is the most beautiful creature the goddess ever created.
Love ya - Sun Dec 21 13:32:17 1997

I think 'panther' has a very good point there!(...can you imagine a relationship where one person is deeply 'in-love',and the other person is in the relationship because "...it's a good fucx!!!"------and it's been going for many years!!!).......stranger things have happened!
bonzo - Sun Dec 21 15:16:54 1997

Love is important but it has to be a 2-way street. My girlfriend is younger than me, still trying to find herself. I love her so much that I ache with pain. I feel that she is just using me to discover WHO she is. What am I to do?
Astra69 - Tue Dec 23 6:46:46 1997

It sounds as though you are 'intoxicated' with desire for her.(...sometimes when starting a 'fire',you need to back-off a little, in order to give the 'flames' some oxygen!)
Tue Dec 23 14:59:24 1997

Astra69: In life we use others and let ourselves be used. There is nothing wrong with being used: "Hey hon, get me packet of chips while you're out please." When it starts to hurt is when we start to abuse. That is, make more use of others that they feel comfortable giving.
Panther - Tue Dec 23 18:59:29 1997

At the risk of seeming 'sycophantic',I again agree with 'Panther'.
b - Sun Dec 28 16:44:36 1997

altho the sex is great , (and i do mean great), i still melt at the thought of a cuddle with my love. i love u todd :) xoxoxox
casey@cheekynet.com.au - Sat Jan 3 20:13:28 1998

I am so in love it's bliss, I am scared that the bubble will burst.
Love ya - Tue Jan 6 15:36:38 1998

I don't know what makes relationships work because for me, they never have. Not outside my head. Perhaps I am just destined to find fault in others and be a crying post for people who's lived seem so straight forward, while all the time, not knowing when and where to jump.

And when I do find someone that is not only physically and sexually attractive, but also someone that I can envisage spending life with, it never works. Either I can't even tell them how I feel, or it dies before it is born. Now it has happened again.

I am alone with my feelings as I am not yet certain of how to make them clear. Of how to tell all my friends that when I say "I miss/want my gimp" that I am serious.

In my heart I know what love is and I can picture the ideal relationship. I know with whom it should be and how everything should go. And that hurts most because I know from experience that nothing I imagine ever comes true. I can't even go the other way and imagine a life without her, as that is what I am living, and is no help at all.

I know that I love you Sally, and that you will never be within my reach. I must settle for hoping that you will gain everything you want from life, and I know that you can and will, for that is why I love you. Yet I forget myself. I need to learn to love others, without compromising or completely discounting my own happiness.

But how?....................................................Sally, I wish you could show me.
Laura - Fri Jan 9 22:50:19 1998

My boyfriend of 8 years recently said to me: "babe,you know why our relationship works so well ?" I replied "tell me .." he said " well, you like to listen, I like to talk; you like to cook ,I like to eat; you like to work, and I like to shop !! we are just so compatible !! " The scary thing is...I think he's right !!!!
Big Possum - Tue Feb 3 9:01:13 1998

A long term relationship....a lifetime relationship......what is it?? I have just broken up with my soulmate of two years....it kills me inside that we still both love each other but he no longer believes we can work it out....he believes his choice of not being with me "will be for the better, for both of us"...how does he know what's the best for me....I love him so much still....and will always love him.... he hasn't called for three long weeks, which seem months, is there a true love, or is it plagued by stereo typical multiple breakups....help me baby get through it.....anyone have any advice?
Yours always, monkey man - Sat Feb 7 20:17:03 1998

Monkey man Have also been told what is better for both of us. I copy the politicians when things go wrong EG. (Lay very still and say nothing) This stops me from being futher hurt.
ben - Wed Feb 11 22:44:43 1998

Monkey Man: I think you need to talk seriously about your relationship with someone. If you can talk about it with him then that would be good. But you need to be able to tell each other what you really feel and think. Otherwise find a friend or your local Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service to talk to.
Panther - Thu Feb 12 9:21:18 1998

I'm looking for friends around my own age but the only guys I attract are twenty years younger than me! Where am i going wrong? I'm 49.
puzzled - Mon Feb 16 16:33:36 1998

I'll tell you what love is! Love is knowing that there is only one and one only. You may have numerous boyfreinds, girlfreinds and the like; all of which you love equally, or so you believe. And not to rob anyone of their current romance no matter how long and/or strong; at it may be the "only one". But I do strongly believe that even after you both go your own seperate ways, due to mutual agrreement, misfortune, or no choice of your own, the next may be the one, the last one may be have been the one. In any event there will always be and has always been "only one" Example, currently I am very much in love, have been now for almost four years and have a very solid relationship; not to be traded in for anything (wiser than the past)anyone. However there still is someone who truly is, was, and always will be "the one"; it is not anymore, won't be, and never should - but you are "the only one" and always will be. I love my life, my partner and our strong and prosperous future together, nothing will take that away from us. But to you out there, you know who you are. You are "The only one", always! See you one day. All my love forever to you Mr. MFR
GSR -Accross the vast blue Pacific - Sun Feb 22 5:19:47 1998

Puzzled: Maybe you are hanging out in the wrong palces? Or maybe you are only noticing those who you are attracted to and not seeing the others that are trying to attract your attention?
Panther - Sun Feb 22 10:25:32 1998

thanks, panther, but i'm non-scene (can't stand the noise and smoke) so meet people at friends' places or similar group functions. and i'm not the one doing the noticing - they come up to me! the other night i was having dinner with someone older (at last!) and was cruised by 3 young guys who were so persistent he remarked on it. i find this all very embarrassing. and before you ask - i'm average looking!
puzzled - Wed Feb 25 17:59:16 1998

Idella B. you are the *love of my life* regardless of what you say about assigning something meaning versus letting it just be. Saying you are the love of my life is just letting it be. I am just letting it be every day that I live without you by my side. And don't think you are the only one who ever *waited* in all this.
Fri Feb 27 11:42:04 1998

I love Gary Smith. I wish he loved me.
Fri Feb 27 22:15:13 1998

I love life. I wish it loved me.
Thu Mar 5 17:11:46 1998

I am looking forward to the day (again) when I wake up next to the man I love.... I just wish he wasnt so hard to find....
Waiting - Mon Mar 9 1:45:01 1998

I hate the old fashioned family values, but sometimes maybe their right. Previous reltionships have all started when I've met someone and gone home and had sex. It's what we all want to do. But then somewhere down the track when the physical attraction is gone I wonder what it was that we found or common, or start to realise that I don't really like this person. My current reltionship is only 18 months old, but it is with a man that was my closest gay friend for about three years before we started bonking. We always found each other sexy but never got the opportunity to have sex until we were already amazingly close. We all love our best friend. The only difference between our love for our best friend and a relationship is the sex. Isn't it? Not everyone wants to sleep with their best friend, but for some of us it may turn out to be the best move yet.
Jump your buddy - Thu Mar 12 1:35:32 1998

I had a guy I loved so much it hurt when we were apart then he died and left me alone I never wanted to meet another man ,then on the internet 12 months ago i met a guy who was completely honest with me , we met 6 months later and have been together ever since (wow i hear you say 6 months ) but my point is that honesty with each other can lead to a life together you have to understand each others little ways and live with them never try to make him something he can never or want to be, just love him forever (in our world forever sometimes can only be a day a week or eternal).
mikey - Tue Mar 17 12:59:55 1998

It's true that love for your lover's differences keep it together just as much as loving the things you like together. I used to cringe when I heard some of P's views, and he mine, now I just say, 'Oh that's just Paul'; it lets me see why he's so special. Most importantly my space is just as sacred to him now.
andy-boy - Sun Mar 22 21:12:35 1998

I used to be a real romantic, you know believing that there is that one special person out there just waiting for me to come along and then life would be complete.... blahblah, Had my heart broken and am now completely dissillusioned by it all. Think I am in some sort of healing phase, unlikely to let myself fall for anyone for quite some time. How long will this last??? I am meeting really lovely guys but I just find faults in them (minor things)/ exscuses not to allow myself to get too close, this is really destructive behaviour and is not really me at all. Can anyone give me some advice???
Help - Tue Mar 24 11:22:51 1998

Help: My boyfriend says it lasts 7 months. I have found that for me it lasts about the time I was in the relationship. It is different for each of us.

After breaking up we usually go through a grieving process, very similar to when someone dies. There is no known cure, we just have to work through it at our own pace. Having friends and people you can talk to or be with helps.
Panther - Tue Mar 24 19:33:25 1998

The sight of him laying quietly every morn, the smell of his shirts before launder, his hobbies, his handwriting, his charm! His voice over the phone, the little jokes, listening to him laughing in his slumber. His committment, his time, his loneliness, his passion, his sharing (of himself, and of our lives). For I am the luckiest man alive, even for a few brief years, even if our love doesn't hold, nothing else matters because for those few brief wonderous times I have held him as he has held me and because of that WE are alive!
Psychekc@Hotmail.com - Fri Apr 3 11:49:15 1998

I love you Daniel, 2.5 years and our relationship hasn't wained for a second. Come Back Soon.......
Tue Apr 7 8:10:42 1998

What's the only thing that lasts longer than love? Answer: Herpes
Tue Apr 7 21:09:05 1998

Zovirax will cure that now take two three times a day Dr Goldenberg Albion St clinic for nothing much
Tue Apr 7 21:11:08 1998

I do not know if I want to find another love, twice I have been dumped for someone else. An Internet relationship became inter country and then became history as soon as the transition had happened. Sometimes I think I was not born to be a lesbian, cos my values just seem so different to every dyke I know. I wish this was not the case, I long to be held and accepted, but life goes on and silent tears reap no sympathy.
Squirrel - Tue Apr 7 21:31:01 1998

Squirrel: Remember the good times, but give yourself time to heal. Just because you struck out twice doesn't mean that you won't find someone right for you. Relationships aren't easy.
Panther - Tue Apr 7 21:45:08 1998

I never realized how important it was to be truthful to myself until I came out. And now--there's this girl. She likes me, and I like her. I'm going to meet her this weekend. I'm nervous and excited and confused all at once. All I can say is I know I'm happier now, and I hope this weekend starts a beautiful relationship. (grin!)
Katy - Wed Apr 8 12:47:06 1998

Dear Chick, Just realized that you can't receive your card cuz of your server, so I decided to post here where it all began on the pinkboard...I love you with all my heart and soul and I know deep in my heart that someday we will be together and be able to be side by side for the rest of our lives. I love you, sweetie, Happy Anniversary @->-->----- Bk
BK - Tue Apr 14 4:17:55 1998

bk...it is hard to believe one year has passed already...i love you...m
chick - Tue Apr 14 5:45:57 1998

The love of my life IS in Syd.....but im in Canada :-( we are both 16y/o.....And I have tried everything short of selling my-self to get to him for June-with no luck....*sigh* if you are interested in being our saviour and uniting two hearts after so many months please write me..... leo@thezone.net Thank you
~*Leo*~ - Tue Apr 14 6:54:13 1998

I have had a few men who have been the right one" at the time" there are no mr or miss (ms? "rights" there are many people who can be the right one at the various points in our lives and then you grow and move on and people cant always keep up with you or you with them. Love where and when you can ( i dont mean sex here ) enjoy the days together and remember no-one can take them away from you they are in your mind forever anytime you choose to think of them.....
Andrew - Wed Apr 15 11:05:46 1998

"Tom" you are the one that makes getting up in the morning somthing i have to do. To phone you is the high light of my day, to hear your voice is somthing i look forward to to.it gives me a reasion to go through the day.
Trevor - Sun Apr 26 18:58:53 1998

What do I do?? I have met someone I really love but I find that I am not really physically attracted to him shld I pursue a relationship (would it be doomed ) or just maintain a great friendship
Confused - Thu Apr 30 13:06:58 1998

I recently lost the love of my life. When Philip died I was hysterical at first and now am alternately self pitying and trying to accept the rest of my life without him. The only thing that has held me up is the love of other people. Sharing my misery alleviates it a little bit.
David - Fri May 1 14:27:56 1998

Just last week I lost one of my best friends. Someone I knew only as Amanda but who changed my life so much. She was one of those people who lived to give people hope and was totally honest. Someone I loved.

Both her parents were gay and she was brought up in a house with her paren't partners. The ideal family as far as I'm concerned. She seemingly had everything, but never came accross as knowing and flaunting it. After the death of her father and his boyfriend, her life fell to pieces.

She lost everything, waspulled from society by the police, shipped overseas, developed a never before heard of cancer, and to top it off, discovered that she too was gay. I watched her turn from a happy 14yo, to a 15yo mess who seemed to know she was passed her use by date. I tried to help her, but I could never be there with her like she needed. Could never hold her and give her the hope that was so lacking in her life.

And now she's gone

She walked in front of a truck deliberately and was killed. For me, I felt personally responsible. All my workig with the white ribbon campaign, and I failed in the most important case to me. The person that needed me the most. And now it seems like I'm going down. But I wont let go. Amanda didn't die for nothing. It seems it was a cruel eye opener to me and through the heart ache and the pain, I think I will come out stronger.

Amanda, I love you, why did you have to go?
Laura - fayehill@norex.com.au - Fri May 1 20:51:12 1998

Confused: Take it as it comes. If it is right and is meant to happen, it will. As Fanny Farquar used to say - What is essential is invisible to the eye.
Panther - Sat May 2 18:55:34 1998

I am in love with my best friend and she's not gay. Uuuuuhhhh!
Fri May 8 21:06:51 1998

Why is it the Barbra, Jodie, madonna, Judy, Ellen and Musicals are all gay icons and yet I loved them, long b4 sexuality was an issue in my non gender specific, youthful mind ?????? Isn't that a bit weird.
Fri May 8 21:34:58 1998

I truely love you Adam, ya big dope
Sat May 9 0:45:37 1998

what is the basis of a gay relationship?? why do i feel so much affection for this guy and want to hug and hold him yet don't feel much like having sex with him (yet?). he is someone most people would want to have a serious relationship with, i should think! and i do adore him even if he gets on my nerves at times. and then there is this other guy whom i simply cannot communicate with but want to have sex with and would also like to have a relationship with but all he wants is to rock the bed. in short, i know you can have hots without love, but can one have love without the hots (yet?) will hots come eventually?
konfuzed - Sun May 17 11:49:02 1998

Kunfuzed - Sorry to tell you that there are no easy answers. Every relationship is different, unique and special. Some are sexual, some are loving, some are manipulative, etc.

A few years ago I had a very close relationship with someone. We were very involved in an activity together. We had already become good friends and this threw us even closer together. We spent a lot of time together. We never had sex, but lots of people would have died for a chance. We didn't have a formal breakup, but we drifted apart. We are friends again now, sort of. I do regret how it ended, but I don't think we would have become lovers.

The best relationships are built on constant communication. We can't read minds (though we seem to sometimes) so we have to actually say things. Actually getting to the talking can be really scary, but once it has happened it is usually worth while.
Panther - Sun May 17 18:25:06 1998

... talk is, admittedly, not easy. sometimes a lot of it can bring out the worst of everything. self-fulfilling prophesy? sometimes this equation occurs: talk = emotions revealed = chance for attack = attack = pain. even someone who loves us can attack/hurt us (wittingly or otherwise) - it's called fear of intimacy. which brings us back to the point: i adore him, but i don't know if i (can/do) 'love' (sexually) him ever, i can try and create the hots, but what if i make the wrong decision and cheat myself/him of the chance for a 'real' relationship? if i commit to him (monogamously) and later/years down the line i 'discover' i don't love him and don't have the hots for him, what then? on the other hand, if i don't take the chance, i might regret it. makes sense? or are you as confused as i am? what in the world do i do now?
konfuzed - Sun May 17 19:53:13 1998

ken.....if you read this, sunday night was magic,lying there with you in bed,i feel abit guilty about the circumstances to be honest, but my feeling on that night for you was true buddy.i havent felt this way about anyone before and i hope that you feel the same. i think things happen for a reason.and i know you have
ken - Mon May 18 22:22:19 1998

Konfuzed: It sounds as if you have been trying to work this out for a while and have gotten stuck. I think you need another point of view or two. Your local Gay & Lesbian Counselling Service is a good place to discuss issues like this. Give them a call.
Panther - Tue May 19 8:41:12 1998

Chantell you have your finger on the pulse! My lady and I have a similar relationship and she is one foxy girl! Six years and still going strong. We are soul mates and we treat each other with respect which is the reason behind the longevity of this relationship.
Sabiha - Tue May 19 19:27:22 1998

it has been just over a year now that i'm with my fuzzy wuzzy tazzie, my very own tasmanian devil. grrrr!!! it has been a very quick year. i never cease to count my blessings. i don't ever intend to!
bubblebubbs - Wed May 20 23:36:35 1998

to geather 15 years still going some times i think it is time to move on . sex with each other well may be 1 a month . me i need more . but . well may be i will .
rolls royce - Thu May 21 22:38:08 1998

Some people touch you at a very deep level and I know I am very lucky to have found her forever at my side. She is beautiful, loving and most importantly my life partner and wife. I love her and I hope that one day everyone could have someone as warm and tender as my girlie....Loving you all ways!
Chantell xoxoxoxoxoxoxo - Fri May 22 18:11:59 1998

HI... I am Brazilian, permanent resident in Australia, still living in Brazil... looking for a Mr Right... Is there love between two males? Wondering............
BrazilianMate - Sat May 23 9:23:49 1998

BrazilianMate: I suppose we can prove this is true by giving examples. My boyfriend and I love each other. We are in a committed relationship that is as good as anyones. We have lots of other friends who love each other.
Panther - Sat May 23 11:43:18 1998

The love of my life, loved his booze more than me. I couldnt bear to watch him going down hill.A great guy when he wasnt drinking, but verbally voilent when he was.His fater thought it was ok for him to be an alkoholic but not homosexual. I wonder what his father thinks now that he has been in gaol for being a pedophile. I still miss him, but there is no way I would go back to the times with him that were great but the bad times were worse.
Sat May 23 21:13:49 1998

O my god,he was tall,but to far from me.
Sun May 24 10:25:29 1998

Hi, I guess I need some advice, I figured that because I met my partner here, that perhaps I could find some answers as well. He told me that he slept with someone last week, that he was drunk, that he had no idea why he did it, that he loved me, and our relationship. He didn't have sex, and was really upset, so I don't know what to do. He has changed my life, I am really in love and I felt worse for him than for me. I travel a lot, so I guess I am not there all the time, not that it makes much difference. It would kill me if he did it for love, or deliberately, but he is a really honest guy, and he is suffering a lot with shame and guilt. I don't know whether this is normal/ expected/ a mistake???? Help me out guys. I need some balance.
ade - Mon May 25 14:58:53 1998

Ade If he is truly an honest guy (sounds like he is) then you have little to worry about. Everyone I meet/ speak with has a different interpretation of fidelity. I know of guys who are in a long term relationship but regularly sleep with other guys for variety, this works for them because they are honest with each other they talk about their rendevous and are very secure with each other. I also have friends who believe that even a flirty smile at a cute stranger = cheating. But lets be honest there is a bit of animal in all of us (some more than others) and it is normal/ instictive to be attracted to others outside a relationship at some point, it is whether or not we act on it that causes the problems. I think feeling secure/ stable/ wanted and most of all loved in a relationship is what counts and as long as your man is honest with you and you trust him then you can work through almost anything. Sit down , discuss the situation and if necessary set some rules, don't let the guilt/ anger fester in either of you.
Been there - Wed May 27 10:10:56 1998

I'm in love with someone who lives across the continent--the American continent. And she is in love with me. Neither of us is exactly young. I've had my affairs, lived with two women not at all unhappily--one for 10+years--and she now lives with someone whom she loves but doesn't feel the seem bone-deep connection that we share. I'm alone now, and did not trigger this relationship; we both did, almost simultaneously. My life is here, hers is there, and the demands of our occupations (both of us), of her family, and our lives are that great distance apart. Neither of us is playing any games. I'm not breaking up a relationship--hers--and neither is she, since she does love this other woman. To feel such yearning...and I'm no adolescent, believe me. The same is true for her. What can we do? Not much, except keep on as we are--which is with love, and connection, and a touch of pain--but a lot of joy to, at loving and being loved so much. But oh, it will get harder and harder.
Amanda - Wed May 27 16:05:31 1998

Jen, I know you read this sometimes...I'm interested! :)
Sat May 30 1:34:47 1998

who are you?
Sun May 31 20:00:02 1998

you need to be a bit more specific babe
Thu Jun 4 17:45:01 1998

Luke I love you Love is what keeps the world going around. you and I will are hopefully going around till we die
glenn - Mon Jun 8 14:40:38 1998

I refer to the coment by "love Ya" Tue Jan6 "I am so in love it's bliss, I am Scared the bubble will burst" I too feel that way, like it is a dream come true. We just have to enjoy the time that the bubble is blown up and if it pops it is not always your fault and that everybody is different. If my bubble bursts I will be devastated, but I will have to continue life. I love you Luke, more than anyone in the world. Our bubble is concrete plated and it will hopefully keep on being reinforced by new materials to keep our bubble afloat. I love you
glenn - Mon Jun 8 14:55:40 1998

I never believed in love. Then I feel in love. He left. The hurt is still there, having bared my throat. The pain is seething, but you know something, I'd do it again. Dare not; live not; love not....
Lovepuddin' - Fri Jun 12 16:02:55 1998

I love loving women because it is real, and what i know. Regardless of whether it is frowned upon, i know that i have at least known love.
Tue Jun 16 16:07:12 1998

I've just broken up with my first love. I still love him, but alas he doesn't love me, in the same way I love him. Golly gosh how does one fall OUT of love. cooly@mpx.com.au
Ty Frost - Sat Jun 20 15:27:08 1998

I would like to find the guy of my dreams, a guy who is not out to hurt me, love me for what I am, both trusting of one another, however, there seems to be not to many around.
John - Mon Jun 22 14:11:35 1998

Ty: It takes a while to get over a relationship. It is a form of grieveing, similar to if a loved one dies. In fact, something has died, the bond that held you together. Spend time with friends crying on their shoulders and anyone else who will let you bend their ear.
Panther - Mon Jun 22 19:40:25 1998

Thankyou Panther. Even though I read the joy and heartache on this page, It's hard to put in perspective. I know that I'm not the only one on this planet going through this, but somehow it doesn't always help. I'll be ok though. I tend to bounce back on my feat, besides I just got cast as Herod in "Jesus Christ Superstar" :-)
Ty - Tue Jun 23 10:03:25 1998

I'm recently out of a 5.5yr relationship. I've found that "falling out of love" is one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life so far, but it is time to move on. There is the grief along with uncertainty and doubts about the future but I'm staying positive and hope to one day find someone to share my life and love with and be truly happy. I'm glad at least that I have had the opportunity to love and be loved by someone else, even though it never worked out. Heres to the future!
Norman - Tue Jun 23 11:35:03 1998

To realy love someone then you have to be prepared to give up every thing for that person. To lay your life on the line for them. You must be prepared to compramise and not take all the time but give as well. I use to fight with my partner and in an arguement I would say that I hated him. Now he has died suddenly in an axident and I dident have the chance to tell him that he was every think to me. My life is empty now.
Lonely - Wed Jun 24 18:51:54 1998

C.W. like the way your name rolls from my lips. I wish you could feel the same for me. Thinking of you, b.l.
Tue Jun 30 0:22:46 1998

In May 1998 i meet him (A.B) and he is a nice guy i think i am falling in love with him.. but unfortunately i have to leave the country. For i am from Malaysia. Hopefullyi will see him soon.
james - Tue Jun 30 13:06:19 1998

How do the best relationships work? I do believe that truthful communication is the key. That is the basis for any quality connection between people, whether lovers or not. Keeping it simple helps and loving yourself enough to know that you can't be everything to anyone but yourself. Keeping your heart open and seeing with different eyes allows you to keep all things in perspective. Expressing your honest feelings, the uncomfortable along with the incredible, makes for a balanced person inside, and hopefully you are then attracting the same type of healthy person to you...and growing together in that relationship. I know, I know, it all sounds so "New Age-y" eh? Well, call it whatever, it works if you love yourself honestly first and foremost. Patience with yourself helps, too!
Julie - Thu Jul 9 6:50:38 1998

Oh, when am I going to get over my last wretched crush on a woman who couldn't care less about me? She broke my heart and I hate myself for it! Is this pathetic or what, handing one's heart over to someone who just stomps on it? I made a fool of myself and I dread running into her again, which I will. If I don't find a girlfriend soon, I will go nuts. I feel better admitting this in "public."
bleeding glass heart - Fri Jul 10 23:16:40 1998

For Julie and bleedling glass heart - for I indentify with both of you - yes Julie, communication is important, honesty is important and keeping your heart open is important and it is when that happens the love comes in and you hope against all hope that you have given your heart to the right person for the right reason - you love freely and unconditionally, even though you have only met the person on the 'net' and then you agree to meet, to travel across land and ocean, counting the days and nights and before this happens another woman moves in and with just a couple of dates and just one kiss steals your lovers heart - another person who lives closer by to her, who she can see in person who has magnetism and charm which can only really happen in person, and then the incredible bubble bursts and you have handed your heart over - just like 'bleeding glass heart' and had it stomped on, and have made a real fool of yourself for you know that you have opened your heart, not just with a crush but for perhaps the very first time - in true love to have you heart left crushed and bleeding and to perhaps run into the two of them when you travel across land and sea because you have to because you have paid the travel fair. So bleeding glass heart I feel for you my friend, and Julie, while I agree in principal and have always upheld the same philosopy as you, until it really happens like 'bleeding glass heart' tells it and I am telling it then the philosophy is fine whether it be New Age or not, but when it happens then a new chapter needs to be written in the book of 'How do the best relationships work"
Sunset - Sun Jul 12 12:20:05 1998

Oh My God Sunset....that was amazing! *speechless*
CraZeeChiK - Wed Jul 15 22:04:58 1998

ADE, If you come back to read this in here again..... he loves you more than life itself... and if anybody would know it, its his best friend. He is your life partner, and I've never seen him more happy than when he is with you. You are an amazing couple and you are an amzing man, he is very lucky to have you. Love you both.
Scotty - Fri Jul 17 13:16:12 1998

Love...... God it hurts sometimes, or in my experience all the time. I am just sick of it, and i really mean that. All i want is someone to love, and who loves me in return. Compared to the other things people seek in life, i had thought that this was a simple hope, but nonetheless i sit alone feeling how pathetic i am. I am in love, and i don't use that term lightly, with a close friend. I can't help it, i just am, and it wasn't until recently when she started pushing me out of her life that i realised just how much. She isn't interested, and has made it plain but i can't help but feel the way i do.The only woman in my life recently just wanted me for sex, and whilst that's great for the ego, it's not great for the spirit. More than sex iwant someone to relate to, who understands, who cares how i feel. All the lesbians i know are just interested in sex, or short term flings, that just doesn't interest me. I used to think that i was alone because i was a lesbian, and that there must be people out there who feel like i do about life in general, now i realise i am just alone....
Wed Jul 22 17:01:14 1998

For the people that are able to experience a true love, through mind, spirit and heart, they are the true lucky ones. For the people that have not been lucky to experience this (that includes myself), surely it is not impossible! Without sounding patronising, surely it is just a matter of time. During this time, make the most of that time and focus on and within yourself. Search for the reasons or feelings, no matter how big or small. Concentrate on previous experiences, the good and bad. Look at ways to improve from a different angle, as repetition of bad experiences are based in the sub-conscience. One final point to remember is that, if you are looking for love, do not give up. Considering defeat is to give up living, and life is too prescious.
Eternal - Thu Jul 23 17:22:59 1998

Thankyou, you are right
Thu Jul 23 18:26:40 1998

I�ve been together with my girlfriend for 7 years now - times are changing. Recently I discovered all the things that went wrong in our relationship. I hope it ist not too late for us. I start to fall in love with many other women I don�t relally know, maybe just to get away from it all. It hurts to see that everything that felt so wonderfull and perfect is not the same anymore. Other things become more important, like going out and party with other women, meeting a lot of friends and being my own person again. I am afraid that this is going to be the end of us (we even wanted to get married in October). Or maybe everything just changes totally and there will be something new. This is from a German woman who recently fell in love with your country.
susi - Fri Jul 24 20:20:42 1998

This is a very sad Graffiti Wall. But here is my advice to Susi. (I am good at giving advice but not at my own r'ship) But I am in a similar position and really if you care about this person and want to stay with her then you have to have honest talk with her and tell her how it is and how you feel and if you are really lucky then she will understand that you need other things in your life (you should have sowed more wild oats when you were younger)but it does not lessen what is between both of you. After 7 years (the 7 year itch) it is hard to be sexually excited by someone you have been with so many times. My idea of the perfect gay r'ship is to be friends, lovers, confidants, partners, but not in love coz there will always be a winner and loser situation. Someone challenge me please, and good luck Susi.
Skeptic - Mon Jul 27 1:06:15 1998

Oh yeah, i'll challenge you skeptic. What is a relationship without love? To me even if it screws things up love is what counts. I have enough friends/confidants, love is what i need to make me feel alive. It may not always be a good feeling, but the intensity of feeling that love is what i long for. I don't think i could ever deny myself that.
Mon Jul 27 9:31:45 1998

Thank you for your reply, skeptic. It is so easy to loose yourself when you are in love with someone. Yes, I had my wild oats, but she didn�t like them and now they are dry. But not dead!
Susi - Fri Jul 31 17:43:37 1998

Thank you, Panther, for making it possible for me to find this wonderful woman who answered my ad on the Pinkboard. Sparks flew from the very beginning. We've been seeing each other for less than a month, yet I've never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life. It's like Sleepless in Seattle, total magic. We are both amazed and a little frightened of this love that is bigger than we are, but we are taking it a day at a time and helping it grow. I feel blessed to have met you, my sweet Duck. My life will never be the same again, and I hope we'll be able to continue growing together for a long time. Your Lizard loves you to pieces.
Tue Aug 11 8:55:55 1998

Omnia vincit amor - Love overcomes all !
Amadeus - Thu Aug 13 1:26:37 1998

Most of the gays are just sex addicts. They don't have any rights to love what so ever. You all are disgrace to the society
Hansonite - Sat Aug 15 13:53:51 1998

Most of the gays are just sex addicts. They don't have any rights to love what so ever. You all are disgrace to the society
Hansonite - Sat Aug 15 13:54:10 1998

Most of the gays are just sex addicts. They don't have any rights to love what so ever. You all are disgrace to the society
Hansonite - Sat Aug 15 13:54:29 1998

I love him too much to send him away, but not enough to love only him. He loves me too much to leave, and know no other that impels? I'm doomed.
Sun Aug 16 1:31:47 1998

Hansonite: Obviously you know nothing about gay people, or even people in general. True love is possible between any two people, no matter what sex, colour, age, sexuality.
Panther - Tue Aug 18 20:05:54 1998

Hi! I've met my partner through this list for >2 mths already and the relationship has been going on pretty well...however lately he begins to mention things about breaking up in relationships ...etc.. this worries me as we are planning to move in together next month...any help/advice is appreciated..this is the first relationship for each of us... I love him a lot and don't want any break-ups as I don't know how to put up with them...
Worried - Sun Aug 23 12:40:37 1998

Love is sexy sometimes times.When you go on a date you feel like you met a very sexy boy!!
Sun Aug 23 23:20:21 1998

Worried: Best thing to do is sit down and have a talk about it. You have to learn to be honest and open with each other. It is a very difficult thing to do and takes lots of courage, but it is the best way to make a relationship work. Make sure you are both sober and ready to talk, but don't put it off till forever. If you are going to live together it is doubly important as you will each do little things that annoy the other. If you can't work out how to live with these things, then you will end up breaking up.
Panther - Mon Aug 24 8:50:45 1998

Hello I love Daniel. He loves me too, He just does'nt open his mouth when he says it.
Mon Aug 24 13:57:40 1998

Beneath that organ called skin, between those words called communication, under that veil imposed by society, behind that facade of indifference, is a person worth knowing. If only he, where-ever he is would let me in.
tendril - Tue Aug 25 8:51:38 1998

Blue Blue My World Is Blue ! Love Is Blue !
Paul Mauriat - Wed Aug 26 14:03:41 1998

Hi there worried, I have been with my partner now for 11 months, he is my first boyf, and yes we have chatted about breaking up, there is a lot of crap about the impossibility of long term relationships for gay guys, and I guess I would say just be careful that you don't make a situation happen by talking about it too much. Open communication is great, but what the heck, take a risk and move in together...the only way to see how you get on together.
blake - Wed Aug 26 15:33:08 1998

Hi! Blake and Panther, Thanks for the advice...I spoke to my partner tonight during out dinner out and I think it got worse....he kept on telling me he can't promise that our relationship will last...I felt shattered now and feel insecured...cos we are about to pay the deposit tomorrow to move into together to unit next week...and now he doesn't want to move in with me ...he thinks we are not ready and I suppose he has lost interest in moving in together.....I feel pretty bad now...cos I'm changing to my new job next Monday for a change in career and felt pretty much alone now...please help me!
Worried - Sat Aug 29 0:28:41 1998

Dear Panther & Blake, I have to admit I have a weak heart and I don't want to get hurt...also my partner said to me tonight even if we live together if things didn't work out he suggest that we still share the unit together but he will be dating out with another guy ...and I really don't know how to put up with that if it happens...can somebody help me soon...
Worried - Sat Aug 29 0:47:46 1998

Worried: The bad news first - getting into a relationship means you are allowing someone else to hurt you. You will be hurt at some stage.

The good news - if you do get hurt, you will get over it.

The better news - if you can form a relationship where there is trust and mutual respect, where you lover is your friend, then you can work through the painful periods together. A relationship isn't a story book. Romance is all about meeting and falling in love (lust). That is when the real work starts. Gay relationships can and do last. Greg and I have been together for almost 6 years. We have friends who have been together over 12 years.

There is no simple answer to how to make a relationship work. It is different for everyone. I recommend honesty and respect. Also being strong enough to say what you really feel. I admit it can be really hard to say things, even simple things like your breath smells.
Panther - Sat Aug 29 10:27:54 1998

Trust, respect, and communication, are all very important aspects of a relationship. My boyfriend works for Quantas and currently he is home for 1 week and then overseas for 1 week. If we did not trust and repsect each other then our relationship simply wouldn't work. I love this man and trust him with my life, and although I miss him greatly while he is away, I know that when he arrives back in Sydney he will be in my arms once again... hmm, those gorgeous brown eyes and wonderful smile that make my heart melt, his great sense of humour and gentle caring nature --- sorry... back to the topic at hand... Make sure you are honest to yourself as well as your partner about your true feelings - Do you really enjoy this person's company, or is the attraction purely physical? Are you only in this relationship to prove a point to your friends or family? Do you always have to watch what you say and act a certain way when you are with your partner, or can you just be yourself? Oh, and one other thing -> Have Fun! (and plenty of sex)
Ja. - Sat Aug 29 15:37:17 1998

Hi there worried, well I guess you have to be true to yourself in some ways. I mean you are honest and open, but he is sending you pretty strong signals that things are not the same from his perspective as from yours regarding the relationship. It sounds as if he is going into it with a number of expectations some of which aren;t good. I really think that you need to be strong and honest about what you think- I mean if you know that you would be really hurt if you guys failed and shared a house, and he was sleeping around, then take it carefully. I don;t think setting yourself up for a fall is always a growing experience. I met my boyf here 11 months ago, and have never regretted moving in together, but I am very strong as a personality and have a solid sense of who and what I am. I would be careful of exposing yourself to pain if you are not able or prepared to pay the cost. Having said that, I think in life there is an element of "suck it and see" to experiences. Just be prepared to go along and enjoy what happens. I am worried that this seems so bleak and destined to fail. Anyhow, I am not an oracle, just a guy who has come out and found strength and resources I never knew I possessed. This sort of thing is what life is a bout and it is a fine balance between avoiding pain and missing out on life. If it was me and I loved the guy, I would move in with him, and see what happened. Otherwise give him the flick and move on, Life is ****too**** short babe. PS larry, this needs a dear abigail section(hehe)
blake - Sat Aug 29 23:20:05 1998

Hi! Blake, Ja, and Panther, Thanks for the tip guys....I wish I could be strong, but I have to admit that I'm still in the closet and I'm always honest to my partner even in whatever I do (like having lunch out with other gay friends) I let him know...but when it comes to him...he doesn't tell me anything much and sometimes he just says its just some friends from Oxford St, I have to asked in order to know what is going on......and I sometimes felt that he is hiding something from me...also, another confession I have to make...I'm not into the scene type....and have never been to discos and gay bars in my life .... a simple thing like for him meeting some of his gay friends out in Oxford St on saturday night in nightclubs he doesn't want me to know about and also when I ask him the next day...he will say to me: "Are you going to cage me?" how could I explain.. my friends says that I'm the conservative type who doesn't go out at all and work too hard in my career..(which is true...) I'm not sure if I'm too conservative.... I tend to work Mon-Fri about 10hrs each day and go home after work where I would want some quiet times at home...and on weekends go out to places like movies or other recreational activities... and he complains that I'm boring.....Frankly speaking I'm not a party animal like some of my colleagues at work... Also, my partner thinks that most gay relationships are short termed and I keep telling him that its not true because I believe if 2 guys truly love each other then they can work hard to make the relationship last...... I sometimes don't know what he really wants either friendship & sex or a true relationship which means there is a commitment between us. I also believe that loyalty to each other is an important factor... I'm a very loyal person if I really love a person I will be prepared to go through thick and thin with him...and also if I'm in a relationship I don't even think of things threesome because that could damage a realtionship...some people thinks that I'm a person that is "too good to be true" ...but it is true that I'm a very nice and friendly person....sometimes too nice that I think people take me for granted. I'm not a very sexual person and are very emotional (very romantic -> what some people say).... Better go to sleep now...catch you guys later....
Worried - Sun Aug 30 3:06:32 1998

Hi! Blake, Ja & Panther, Forgot to tell you guys that my partner doesn't like me to come along with him to Oxford St tonight (although I really have to admit that I've never been there at night) when I ask him he says that I'm not giving him freedom even if we go there together he won't admit that he is my bf...so what do you guys think? this makes me a bit sus at times... he prefers that I go out my folks on Saturday nights so that he can go out to Oxford St alone...
Worried - Sun Aug 30 3:19:39 1998

I have been out of a long term relationship now for just over 4 months. About 2 months ago I met a guy I really like, and now think I am falling in love with him. Intellectually I think I am on the 'rebound', but emotionally that doesn't help. I can't stop thinking about him. Unfortunatley I don't think he feels the same way. He likes me, and the sex is great, but I don't think he wants anything more than that. I've told hime I really like him and like being close, which he accepts well enough, but I'm too scared to tell him how I am feeling in case I scare him off, it's hard enough not to call him everday just to say hello and hear his voice in case I push too hard. I guess I know I am probably setting myself up for another fall, but that doesn't stop me running headlong toward the abyss. I should probably mention that he is 23 and I am 32 so maybe I am expecting too much, though at the moment I fell like an 18yo head over heels. In fact a friend last night told me that I am acting like a besotted 18yo. At least scrawling on the wall has made me feel a bit better this morning. keep well guys and gals.
Andy - Wed Sep 2 9:25:06 1998

Worried: Have you told him what you have told us? Also, maybe you could come to an arrangement that you, say, do separate things on Saturday nights but do things together the rest of the time. Having some time apart can often make the time together better.
Panther - Wed Sep 2 20:38:55 1998

Worried: I know some gay friend who hardly ever go out together on saturday nights, because one likes to party and the other one does not. But they have been together for more than 7 years now - because there are other hobbies they share - like travelling abroad and listening to Abba-music etc. Maybe there is something similiar that you and your friend can share besides going out to parties... I wish you good luck
susi - Sat Sep 5 0:52:58 1998

Hiya worried, I think you need to have an open chat with the lunk and clear the air. I am afraid that you may well clear the relationship, but something is obviously up and well you and he ought to sort it out. It is really hard to be in the closet yet expect to be with him out on the town and about. I had to come out for my boyf, because I respected him and my lifestyle choice and it freed me in ways I would never have believed. Is he out? Does he love the scene and gay culture? I don't think his going out alone is a major deal, as long as he comes back to you, but I guess I would have great probs with going out with a guy in the closet as it would really impact my freedom as well. I think there is more than just the relationship happening here and you owe it to yourself and him to have a chat and jointly wake up and smell the roses. It is a very hard thing to come out, and it is a personal decision in terms of how much and to whom, but it is even harder to be in a relationship like yours with communication and trust issues. End your pain, and possibly his, and just talk openly about it. If you can't and he won't then....well move on together somehow.
blake - Sat Sep 5 9:42:39 1998

I personally think love is critical in any relationship. If you don't love the person you're screwing with, how can the screw have any meaning?
dogboy - Sat Sep 5 11:34:09 1998

can someone help.....I am in a relationship which I am very happy but i still really get off on having *safe* sex with other guys is this ok we do have a open relationship or should i just grew up help sex addict melbourne
Mon Sep 7 2:45:44 1998

ok guys, here's a tricky one...I'm an aussie on a visitor visa in the USA. I've met this guy who I have deep feelings for and he has for me. We want a chance with each other for a happy life and both have much love to give. But I may face he possibility of having to go back to Australia soon and be separated from each other. However, my long standing female friend whom I live with wants me to stay in the USA and said she will marry me in order to do that and help he and I stay together. Life changing decisions are never easy. What should I do???
Dilemma - Tue Sep 8 17:35:45 1998

Open Relationship: Whatever works for you and your partner is right for your relationship. I know lots of open relationships (including my own) that work. It is a matter of discussing what is permitted within and without the relationship. And don't forget Talk Test Test Trust.
Panther - Tue Sep 8 22:02:13 1998

Dilemma: As far as I know, marriages of convenience are illegal, and if you get caught then you can be deported. Australia does allow immigration for gay relationships, but they are getting harder to obtain I believe. Contact one of the Immigration Task Forces for more information. That is of course if you can convince him to move to Australia. You may be able to leave the country (Canada or Mexico) and then get a new visa to give you a bit more time together. Getting the longer term is a problem. Make sure you investigate all the options before making a big decision like this.
Panther - Tue Sep 8 22:08:08 1998

Panther: Thanks. I didn't realise you could obtain Australian residency through a gay relationship. I will look into that more closely. You've been very helpful.
Dilemma - Wed Sep 9 4:05:57 1998

Dilemma: See Pinkboard's Community Group Listings for details of the Immigration Task Forces in the various states. Some of them are on the net.
Panther - Wed Sep 9 8:42:52 1998

I need to be cleansed Its time to make amends For all of the fun The damage is done And I feel diseased I'm down on my knees And I need forgiveness Someone to bear witness To the goodness within Beneath the sin Although I may flirt With all kinds of dirt To the point of disease Now I want release From all this decay Take it away And somewhere.. There's someone who cares With a heart of gold To Have & To Hold to Doug L. ta Martin
deepspace - Wed Sep 9 12:20:47 1998

Thanks! Panther, susi and Blake, Actually my bf likes to go out to the scene every now and then to dance clubs or whatever clubs there is on Oxford street...and spend the night dancing out there...and won't be back till 3am or evem 4am on the next day...
Worried - Wed Sep 9 16:36:19 1998

Worried: My b/f and I sometimes go to Oxford St together, and sometimes we go alone - there's no problem with that - sometimes I'll stay out until well into the next day (10am). Neither oone minds if the other wants to go out on their own on a particular night - everyone needs there space. However, why doesn't he want people to know that you are his b/f when you go out together... that I don't understand? Is he trying to leave his options open? What type of things do you do together?
Ja. - Fri Sep 11 19:49:55 1998

Hi - I have met a wonderful man and we have been dating now for a few months. He was dumped by his previous partner 2 years ago after a 12 year relationship. 12 years - wow - he is 40, I am 28. His ex now seems to be regretting their break-up and I'm worried he will try to restore their relationship - what do you think? I know he loves me, but he obviously still cares about his ex after spending so much of their life todgether (and his ex is the same age as him and is just as good looking). Maybe his ex was just going through a mid-life crisis or something. Do I have a chance against a 12 year relationship - maybe they are supposed to grow old together?
Wondering? - Fri Sep 11 20:11:29 1998

Wondering: All I can suggest is that if he starts thinking about going abck and you want to keep him, fight for him!
Panther - Sun Sep 13 9:30:14 1998

Panther: Thanks - I'm not worried about it as it'll probably never happen... but if it does then I certainly wont be letting him go without a fight!
Wondering? - Mon Sep 14 9:54:13 1998

well it always amazes me...you can feel like you're the only burnt out, empty, worn out, (yes thats right ...recently dropped)sad case out there ...and then you find out there are stacks of people going through a frighteningly similar situation...but can you find anyone realtime to talk to or share just a little bit of your suddenly gapingly empty personal schedule??...seems ironic that you lose all energy and motivation to meet/interact with people when you lose a chunk of what you're used to/what you based your happiness on just when you really need it.
invisible - Wed Sep 23 13:47:24 1998

To S I cant say I love you - because we haven't met! I cant say I know you - we haven't met yet! I can say I like you and that we connect I can say you're special - I'm willing to bet! In 12 days time I catch a plane and see your gorgeous smile I'll wrap my arms around you and hold you for a while We'll spend 3 days together and then not want to part its hard to know that someone so special is miles from my heart.
the other S - Sun Sep 27 22:09:57 1998

Invisible: I always get worried when people jump into a relationship and get wrapped up in each other so much that they loose all their friends. You need to keep your friends so that you have someone to talk if (when) something goes wrong. Even just being able to say things to another person makes it all so much easier. You can also talk to your local gay and lesbian counselling service.
Panther - Thu Oct 1 10:27:02 1998

To my darling David I love you always. From your beautiful boy Matt.
BND - Sat Oct 3 20:48:02 1998

Bradley, I love you so much. Deep down I know that you know that too. You hurt me badly, but I didnt know of the pain and suffering that you have. But I still stick by you and would do anything for you. I know things will get better for you, but the waiting hurts. Not a day goes by when I don't think of you. I long to see you and to be in your arms again. Not just for now, but forever. I love you BPH.
Ads - Mon Oct 5 18:49:39 1998

Having a r'ship with someone one has a psyhiatric illness is so f**king hard... and it's only gotten harder since we have broken up. He's so ill, and a lot of his problems stem from his family, so i don't feel like i can rely on anyone there. The thing is, i can't just walk away from him, not when he doesn't have anyone else to look after him when things get bad. I can't stand to thik of him ending up in prison or a psyc unit, dosed up to the eyeballs on drugs for the rest of his life... but it's really bringing me down too, and i can't go on like this... i feel like i'm his full time carer, but who will care for me?
losin it - Sun Oct 11 0:54:14 1998

hey, totally new to this,, never been to this site before,, i am 16,and i am queer,, gay adyke, lesbian , whatever.. i live in sydney , i think i need to hear from other girls , there experiences,, i just feel really alone,, not about my sexuality ,, if this grabs youre attention, mail me... (cherub_17@hotmail.com)
rainbowbrite - Thu Oct 15 11:48:29 1998

If you ever read this Brendon.. I love you with all my heart, right now and I always will.. I wish you could work through your feelings and wish we could be happy together again. If you have to repress your feelings for me, then obviously something's not right there.. You are allowed to feel for a woman.. I love you and I only have my dreams
T - Sat Oct 17 15:23:14 1998

Love is a delusional state that exists only between dance parties.
Karl - Sun Oct 18 15:33:36 1998

Hey! Anyone for a delusional state before the Pride party in Perth on October 31st?????? e-mail karl@hgc.com.au
Karl - Sun Oct 18 15:35:25 1998

I love you, Jack Dillen! I wanted to tell you this in Australia. For you nosey blokez and barbeez, Jack doesn't live in Australia. I just think that due to the marvee technology of The Internet--I wanted to say that I truly love him. Romantic, isn't it?
Ian Samuel - Tue Oct 20 12:12:17 1998

How I envy all you people who write lovely things about partners and lovers. Wish I had someone to write about! I have lot's of love and experience to give. Because I'm older (early 50's) no one seems to want it!
"Lonely Older Guy" - Tue Oct 20 18:46:41 1998

Losin it: My brother is manic depressive... so I know exactly what you are going through. The thing you have to remember is... he is ill, he can't help how he is, don't take anything personally and never turn your back on him. Even though sometimes I feel like telling my brother that I'll help him out with his next suicide attempt, I grit my teeth and just move on to the next drama with him. Mental illness is very hard on everyone who is associated with it. I think that's because there is nothing that you can point your finger at and see what's causing it. Don't be so hard on his family, they are dealing with as best they can. My parents look ten years older than they should from all the worry and stress, but they have always been there for him, I really respect their tollerance and support of David. My other two brothers have disowned David... why? Because they just can't understand his illness, claiming his problem is that he's just full of shit. But in saying that, they always ask how he is when I speak to them. Anyway, my point is, when ever things get rough (and they will, trust me), hang in there and keep smiling. My motto is "... and these are the days of our lives". You're not alone in your fight against mental illness, but I know that sometimes it feels like you're the only sane person on earth. Keep smiling.
Lou - Thu Oct 22 10:38:36 1998

Those *three little words*..... how they can make you feel up in the clouds...then...push you off the clouds and plummet you to a living hell...does any one truly know the meaning of * i love you*?For three little words..they certainly knew how to chew me up and then spit me out..the unfortunate risk you take to avoid spending your life alone...now..I am on my own.and I'll stay that way..it's safer..
d.j. ...:( - Thu Oct 22 20:29:14 1998

hope all the lonely people in here..take a step back..and look at what we have got....* our pride*...they may have broken our hearts..but they did'nt break our pride....they did'nt break our desire to still be *loved* one day...we may never find our ideal partner...but...we still have our integrity...they can't take that....yes...I'm still hurting...she told me she loved me...then left...lifes a bitch..then you love one!
d.j.....melbourne - Thu Oct 22 20:54:19 1998

Losin it: Get help for yourself. Every time I think I need to get help for someone else I usually benefit from getting help for myself. If someone elses problems are getting me down I need help regardless of whether the other person gets help or not... Good luck
jules - Thu Oct 22 21:28:11 1998

My reli works so well because we are a good combination. It is helped along by blatent honesty and total respect for each other, but we start off well because we are a good combination to start with.... nothing will help if it's the wrong dynamics, but the problem is recognising it's wrong... Hey Julie, I love you truly, madly, heaps and mobs. After 19 years of messy ones, finding you is heaven. (4yr, 9mo and going strong)
jules - Thu Oct 22 21:34:56 1998

Open Relationships??? sure i have heard they work and to be honest I am very tempted to try one, but it goes against everything I believe in, I love the idea of falling in love remaining forever monogomous but there is so much temptation in Sydney. Is there anyone out there who can say no to all the temptation, remain faithful and happy, if so I would like some advice.
Too Romantic for Sydney - Tue Oct 27 11:15:17 1998

Too Romantic: Monogamy makes the assumptions that firstly sex is the same as love, and secondly that you can only have one true love. While these may be true for some people they aren't for everyone. Personally I need a variety in my sex life that I don't get by having one partner. That doesn't mean that I love my partner less. In fact it probably means I love him more for understanding my needs. It might be worthwhile exploring what you yourself actually mean by "faithful".
Panther - Tue Oct 27 19:38:13 1998

Panther, I agree with your distinction between sex and love, and am aware that you can be emotionally faithful, whilst you may have numerous sexual partners, however I am not asking you to justify or defend your choice. I fully understand giving in to temptation, but I dont think you can say you love someone more because he lets you have other lovers or be decadent, You really cant deny that the ultimate love is one where you give yourself 100% to another and he to you, both physically and emotionally. I am just curious to know whether anyone out there has found it??
Romantic - Thu Oct 29 8:33:07 1998

Romantic - If it is the ultimate love I haven't found it and am happy with what I have. Or maybe I'm not built that way. I do have a number of friends in relationships. About 20-30% say they are monogamous.
Panther - Thu Oct 29 19:17:33 1998

Romantic, Panther - I think another important issue here is the issue of unprotected sex between partners. When, Panther, you say that 20-30% of your friends in relationship say they are monogamous - are they all open about this in their relationhip? My current relationship is monogamous, whereas my last one was not. We have decided to have unprotected sex this requires a lot of trust and the ability to be honest about any sexual encounters that happen outside the relationship - even though we both plan to be monogamous. I guess that being able to have sex without a condom is an added incentive never to have sex outside the relationship! we also understand the importance of being able to tell one another should either of us ever have sex with anyone else.
Ja. - Fri Oct 30 17:14:12 1998

Daniel, I love you too!!!
Sat Oct 31 2:24:08 1998

Get a grip guys. It is a bit too easy to separate sex and emotional commitment. Total pile of rubbish in my experience. It seems to be the difference between an excuse and a reason, and rationalisation and honesty. Hate to suggest it panther, but maybe you like to have your cake and eat it as well? I am afraid that committing to someone is kinda "too bad" in terms of your ability to pick and choose their faults versus attributes. Maybe you have to be able to say "I love you" and mean it. Sex is lovely but what the hell, easy. I mean I have been in the dilemma of love versus release and give me love anytime. Pain? Exposure? Reality? Risk? Loss? yes please...make the effort or live in the shadow/closet/fire escape where when things get tough you can hide. I am too honest to hide in rationale/lies/excuses. I love the light. no religious overtones thanks:)
abigail - Wed Nov 4 21:57:07 1998

Abigail - Men and women are different biologically, not just in the physical attributes, also in the way we operate sexually. (These are generalisations.) Women tend to look for the best partner to parent their children. Men tend to want to spread their seed widely. If there are differences in the way people view love and sex they often stem from this.
Panther - Thu Nov 5 9:00:21 1998

Abigail, I agree with you, however when it comes to the issue of love v's release Im not sure it as easy as you make it sound. As Panther has pointed out, male hormones work differently and often whilst the head and heart say resist, the body is screaming out "release" and as a 22 year old male, this scream can be quite deafening. Do you think it will change with age?? Maybe as I get older whilst the urge is still there the temptaion will be less powerful and the heart will scream louder than the dick??
Romantic - Mon Nov 9 11:10:58 1998

Another dillemna - How long can Long Distance Relationships last? Am a bit scared that going overseas will change me, and when I return the love I have now will not be the same.
Mon Nov 9 11:15:11 1998

Iv'e read my way through most of the comments on here and have seen that there is alot of pain and alot of joy in the world. I didn't need to read it here as I have been though my own amount of pain, falling in love with friends and watch them begin loving, tender relationships with with other friends that I have deep feelings for. I am young and don't know the diffrance between love and deep friendship, maby that is because all I want is companionship. I know just because I am young is not an excuse for not knowing the diffrance, not many people do, reguardless of age. There is one huge diffrance that I have noticed about this graffiti wall and various other forms of gay expression such as gay.com nightclubs and various irc channels, what ever. That diffrance is the people here are talking about love and not just sex like the overall gay scene to me has been seen as. It gives my young squashed heat a glimpse of hope to know that there are so many people out there that have found love. But gives it the stark comparison of how it is like to loose it. I have never had it, but have felt it, and felt it crumble when I see someone take it away... Why when I feel so strongly for someone can someone else come in and and have a happy relationship with that person? I know that sounds naive fickle and selfcentered and it is; but I am also happy for them that even though my heart was crushed I know that they have found happieness and gives me the small glint of hope that this wall has had... Life is hard, we all know that, life is great, we all know that... that is life, we know that too, but what we dont know is why... Would we be satisfied with the truth? Probably not, we are human.
clear - Tue Nov 10 16:49:38 1998

Hmmm, well sorry for my outburst of righteous stuff panther. I guess I would still make the point that the whole hormonal thing is a bit of a cop out. I think the point is that at different stages we want different things. My cock was screaming out to do it's stuff when I was 22 as well, and I spose that is normal whether gay or str8. But now I guess I want friendship, sharing understanding and something more based on who I am as a person rather than pheromones. (although I got plenty of those) I think the choice to cheat or to go for the hormone clause is pretty dangerous in a relationship, unless it is open and agreed. I once thought to myself why it is you don;t see many middle aged gay couples- is it because they are all lonely old single things looking for something that they find increasingly hard to attract? Is it because they don;t get out much? Is it because they don;t exist in a culture driven by personal satisfaction like most predators and where lack of family units and social constraints don't keep things going beyond the orgasm. I have no idea, and no answers, but I think it is a bit much to suggest it is all beyond our control, and a stud just has to drain his balls. We know exactly what we do when we do it, just like running the red light, and it is making a statement about what we want and need in life. And don;t get me wrong, I am no angel, i have struggled with this for a long time. In terms of respect for the other guy, my huge sex drive versus theirs, how lonely (not sexually but emotionally) I feel when he's not around versus how great it feels to get off. I think the difference is so obvious even on pinkboard, look at most of the relationship versus sex ads. There are a stack of people looking for love, honesty, trust and there is less of the huge spunkrat with swimmers gymfit mega cock seeks same only if you are under 22 even though I am 35 type ads if you check out the relationship section. I even noticed a lot of peole 19-30 looking for relationships. Well all things can get tired, but I think some personal ownership of the decisions we make and the culture we live in could be helpful. I think there is nothing wrong with open relationships, if that is what is agreed, but dishonesty and ascribing the blame to these mysterious genetic forces kinda reduces us a bit.
Abigail - Wed Nov 11 10:16:28 1998

PS By the way I love this place and I think that despite your hormones panther you are really great! The coming out advice I got here was the best, and I love all you crazy people.
Abigail- a pinkboard child (grew up fast) - Wed Nov 11 10:24:59 1998

Here I sit again, waiting, waiting, waiting in the transit lounge of loneliness. Will I be here for the rest of my life? Seems like it. Other passengers sit around too, thinking the same thoughts, all nervous fliers also. I look at the Pinkboard, flight MR016xxx is now boarding. There is no destination on the board, who knows where this flight will take me this time. Probably another round trip I think to myself as I board the flight. I fasten my seatbelt, there is movement and I can feel the tension in the craft as the engines roar and again I am hurtling down the runway and into the sky and off on yet another journey. Drinks are served and a meal is passed out. I talk to my fellow passenger next to me and we try to act relaxed, but deep down we are both shit scared of where this flight will take us. The Captains voice booms out over the intercom "Hello all, this is Captain Destiny speaking and welcome aboard. Unfortunately we are probably going to encounter some turbulence on this trip and I request that your seatbelts remain fastened". The storm looms on the horizon, cyclone xxxxx is intensifying and the towering clouds that I see out the window look impassable. The craft lurches and rocks, I am worried. Captain Destiny again comes back on the intercom "I'm sorry folks" he says, "looks like we are going to have to turn back". The turbulence is intense and I feel that I will never get to where I want to go. I am frightened and feel doomed. There is a shudder and I think that this is it, we're going to crash. Then a hand meets mine, and grips tightly. I look at my fellow passenger next to me and we both smile and gaze at each other. Suddenly the engines whine loudly and we are climbing. We climb up over the storm and pass it way below. We are cruising the airways of fate at long last. My fellow passenger and I continue our gazing into each others eyes, we feel drawn closer and closer together and then our lips meet. Our stomachs lurch as suddenly our craft accelerates beyond the speed of reality. We are still climbing, higher and higher, how can this be? The sky goes dark outside, it is not night, we are in orbit. Stars shimmer and shine all around us and the universe glistens before us as we continue to hurtle from a world all too familliar to us. As we zoom into another dimension Captain Destinys voice echos again over the intercom "Well folks, we seem to have passed the worst of that and you can all let your seatbelts go if you wish now and enjoy the flight. Our flying time will be approximately a lifetime and despite a little clear air turbulence I think we should have a smooth journey". Suddenly I realise that we finally have a destination. I find myself in my partners arms and we both glow with warmth, care and mutual respect. Our flight is a long one, but we have already arrived at our destination. That place is called Love. I love you John, Norman. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Norman - Tue Nov 17 9:48:09 1998

Geez, Normie--How poetic? Have you considered sending out that manuscript? It's long overdue. Accept love in it's own forms and processes. Can't prolong infatuation and limerance of others without conscious effort of the parties involved. Your feelings are just as good as anyone else's. Feelings are our intellectual property. They are indicators of who we are; where we are and hope to be; how we are; what we are; and (fill-in-the-blank)! Accept love in all its forms and processes. Most of all, Love yourself(everybody). No one's gonna do that for you unless you love yourself first. Seek truth and you'll, in some way, find the revelation of what is love. Cheers 4 love and 4 respect of what it is. Love you, Aussie blokez and barbeez. Greetings 2 U from the Jack O'The Wood Pub,Asheville, North Carolina, United States of America
Ian "Sugarbear" Samuel - Wed Nov 18 14:59:44 1998

It's very easy to hate what we put at distance. Try to understand the motivations behind the hatred within and outside ourselves. What are they? Seek truth and you'll find it for yourself. Love begins with realization ("realisation"--for Aussie/British/English). You may not agree with the forces of hatred but to first realize (realise) what that emotion is and its behaviors (behaviours) affect us--the better we are at understanding love. After all, there is a thin boundary between love and hatred. Opposites attract. Homophobia, racism, sexism, and other forms of hate comes from lack of realisation and understanding. Cheers from The Jack O'The Wood Pub, Asheville, North Carolina Love 2 all blokes and barbeez in OZ-Trail-Ya!!!
Ian "Sugarbear" Samuel - Fri Nov 20 12:39:35 1998

Confucius put my thoughts in to words better than I ever could when he wrote this. Life leads the thoughtful man on a path of many windings. Now the course is checked, now it runs straight again. Here winged thoughts may pour freely forth in words, There the heavy burden of knowledge must be shut away in silence. But when two people are at one in their inmost hearts, They shatter even the strength of iron or bronze. And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts, Their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of Orchids.
Greenfire - Tue Dec 1 0:47:43 1998

I love you Anne
kitty kat - Tue Dec 1 20:22:08 1998

I was hesitant to believe in love, that is until the other day. I saw two of my friends together and in love and i could see it on their faces, in their eyes, in the way they touched each other. Now i want it...
Fri Dec 4 21:51:21 1998

Jackson, I love you.
P?LTL - Sat Dec 5 5:09:51 1998

So how is it you can turn friendship into something more? I have adored someone secretly for months, but I think she still sees us as only friends - how on earth (or in other places! lol) do you even attempt to change this, without losing the friendship? I like her so much, I'll be happy to take what I can get, and don't want to risk losing it all for nothing!
risky! - Sun Dec 6 1:16:30 1998

Ahhh to be in lust or as its called in love again. I know its not far away and I wont let past experiences of love gone wrong stand in my way for happiness. ts only around the next corner so all who feel their world has
Sun Dec 6 17:22:40 1998

Being in love is the best. I have the most beautiful soul to wake up to every morning. She's so gentle and doesn't mind my endless chatter, she just smiles and holds me tighter. I absolutely adore her...I just wish I could marry her legally. We are married in our hearts though. Why is it so difficult for people to accept my committment to someone I love? Love doesn't discriminate, why should they play God? My God loves me for who I am, not my sexuality. Here's something amazing. My 28 year old sister is no longer speaking to me because she is a homophobe, but my 82 year old Grandmother reveals that "love is love". She is a fantastic role model for me and has encouraged my partner to come and see her soon. Beauty takes on many forms. For the two lovely women in my life, thank you to Nan and a special x for my wife. xoxoxo
Chantelly:) - Sun Dec 6 17:45:27 1998

The morning it is sad The mornings so beautiful The sunshine it is sad the sunshine no friend of mine you awake it is dawn away from me you go
drew - Sun Dec 6 22:26:55 1998

The morning it is sad The mornings so beautiful The sunshine it is sad the sunshine no friend of mine you awake it is dawn away from me you go dedicated to roy 1974to 1998 wonderfull guy
drew andrew_ williams@lineone.net - Sun Dec 6 22:37:56 1998

To George the sexy jeweller boy from Newtown. I loved hanging out with you at the Shift on Sunday night last week at Steve & Ben's last gig there. I heard you were at Home last night; I couldn't make it. I am definitely going next Sunday night. You would have to be the sexiest guy I have ever met! I hope you get to read this. You can find me on lavish85@hotmail.com
Andrew(with the interesting beard) - Mon Dec 7 16:30:55 1998

I saw this man some months a go... spotted him standing there at the end of the dance floor one Saturday night... oh - what a man. But, it had only been a month or so since I broke up with my last boyfriend, my first night out since in fact, and I hadn't planned on meeting someone tonight - I think I'll just keep on dancing. Yes, dancing with my friends is what I need. "Oh, there's a friend of ours... do you mind if we say hello?", one of my friends says to me. We leave the dancefloor and greet our friend - it's nice to have nice friends. But WAIT - our friend is taking us to say hello to his friend - that man at the end of the dancefloor - Ohhh, what a man. Our friend introduces us... our eyes meet and we hold each others gaze... we chat. Beautiful eyes. Wonderful smile. Well spoken voice. Single. We dance - great but. We dance a little closer - nice skin. We dance closer still - he feels great. We Kiss - ohhhhh, he knows how to kiss. We rub our bodies against one another... We go home together. I will never forget the first night I saw that man standing there... the man I love and who loves me... ohhhhh, W H A T A M A N!
Ja. - Sat Dec 12 14:16:34 1998

Dear Risky i too am in a similar predicament....i have known my guy ( i love saying that) for a few months now and we are good friends but i want soooooo much more. And i wonder once you become good friends, is it them impossible to be anything more? hmmmmm
hmmmm - Tue Dec 15 0:27:27 1998

Hmmmm - There are no rules in love. Your friendship may continue to deepen until you are both in love. Or it may take a while to penetrate that reserve. Or you might get the best friend and support you ever had, but not a partner. Or you may find out about "it" before it is too late.
Panther - Tue Dec 15 8:57:48 1998

It can work in reverse. My girlie and I decided to be "friends" while she was away on a trip. She took me literally and came back with a new lover. I wanted to kill her.
nik - Tue Dec 15 10:33:55 1998

Hmmmmm, why is it that I can never get my timing right. I always seem to like someone a little more and a little sooner than they do me.
GTJ - Tue Dec 15 15:02:34 1998

No, the best thing is when they chase you for weeks and then when you finally decide to reciprocate, they run.
nik - Wed Dec 16 14:11:05 1998

A:) Well this time we have done it! I hope that one day we could see each other again. I still want to give you the world! I know that you love me too, but u most prove your love in the year ahead. Turn your love on yourself, you are an angel not a devil. Love yourself then you can be happy and i can love you. I will see you 1 year from now
lifetimefriend - Sat Dec 19 15:15:02 1998

ARF i have always loved you. i want a lifetime, the good, the bad and the ugly. sure hope you get it together soon. this is your last chance, i can't continue to be your doormat. i love you, but i want a woman who really loves me in return. your girl.
DAB - Sun Dec 20 11:10:37 1998

The trials of life...a guy thinks he loves me, but i am simply a symbol to him of his own desperation to find love and feel wanted. I want to be his friend not bedfellow. What am i meant to do, i am dammed if i do, and dammed if i don't acknowledge his feelings? I just feel suffocated, and unable to enjoy my life. i have just escaped a deadend relationship with a guy who just used me emotionally, financially and physically and then just threw me away on the trash heap for another. I have just regained my freedom, and i don't want a relationship with anyone right now. How can i explain to this guy that i want to be his friend, not his lover without him accusing me of rejecting him?
Eric - Sun Dec 20 21:16:28 1998

Hey eric, why not use those words....makes sense to me
abigail - Tue Dec 22 18:01:46 1998

I plan on moving to Australia in the next 3 months. Can anyone send me any information on gay/lesbian venues in canberra? I'm a professional American lesbian looking forward to my stay. Any information will be helpful..please e-mail me at chef@baldyga.com Thanks, Deborah
Sat Dec 26 16:00:02 1998

I've had two previous long term relationships that have ended disasterously in part because my ex-partners (all over 30 years of age) could not break free of dominating, manipulative, emotionally blackmailing and homophobic parents. I've met a third man now whom I love deeply and have committed to but once again he is in very difficult family situation that he can't/won't assert himself with. I get very hurt when my partners tell me that they love me so much and want us to spend our lives with each other, but refuse to do so because of "tricky" family situations. It's a no win situation for me because no matter what I say or do I either hurt my partners feelings or seem to come between him and his family as an antagonist. I feel that once again my relationship is doomed because of this. I'll never ever get involved with another man who still lives with his parents. It's not worth the heartache and the pain involved. They say that love conquers all boudaries. I think that's bullshit in this type of situation.
Independent (and glad) - Sat Jan 2 21:39:02 1999

Hey independent, I feel the same way as you, but I guess the same probs exist for str8 couples with the "in law " shit. My boyf is a carpet with his mum, but I guess that's their crap. I love him and as long as he never lets me down in front of his family I don;t care. I guess I put up with it only as far as my own respect is maintained. We spent xmas with my mum, and he is slowly withdrawing from his family as far as occasions where having the boyf around are concerned. If they love and accept him the ball will be in their court to keep him as a son, if not...screw them!!!! As for you, stick in there as long as you can keep your sense of self respect. I vote for busting his (bf) ball's if he let's you down, and just draw the line where you are prepared to compromise. *hugs*
blake - Sun Jan 3 13:14:03 1999

Dear independent, Have you asked yourself why you keep getting involved with guys like this? Who wants a boyfriend who still lives with his parents? Sounds a bit wimpy to me.
space - Mon Jan 4 10:13:12 1999

Tubbie - I know that we will be together forever, united as one. I truly hope that we can have our love and committment to each other recognised legally in our lifetime. You are the most exceptional person I have ever had the privilege to know and I thank the gods that I met you. Thank you for the best 18 months of my life. Loving you all ways :) Bubba xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sammyy - Mon Jan 4 14:54:17 1999

To the girl with the wierd/green eyes, I am so sorry I f**cked up and didn't hold on when I should have. I know it is too late now and that you have someone who was there when I wasn't. Such is life. I still run you.
Mon Jan 4 15:24:28 1999

I love my girl because she is beautiful both inside and out. Tenderness she offers me when she see's me in need. Her love and hope inspire's me to be the best I can only try to become. Our lovemaking is the closet thing to heaven I will ever know, even after I'm gone. I love you baby. I just do. Thankyou my beautiful girl for all you've changed and outgrown to move ahead with me in this world we now walk togther. I Love You my little Oscar.
Peppermint Patty - Tue Jan 5 15:35:43 1999

After moving in and living with my bf for about 4 months my relationship is in trouble. I have to say that we had a "closed" relationship. He plans to break up with me because he simply couldn't stop thinking about sex with other guys.....what should I do now? It's the first time I've ever moved out of my family home to move in with this guy whom I thought I can have a LTR with. I have to say that I've spent the happiest time of my life with him and he has been the light in my life...I'm really going to be badly hurt if he leaves me...even though we only moved in for 4 months...but it feels like we've known each other for more than 10 yrs....my love for him is so deep that when I hear that he plans to break up with me...it felt like a big knife stab right into the centre of my heart and I was in tears...looking down on the photos that we took together on holidays...remembering the happy time we spent going to travelling, movies, shopping and dining out....etc.. There will be a very big patch of emptiness on my heart.....I have to say that this is my first relationship and I have spent more than 6 yrs looking for my Mr. Right and when I finally found him and started a relationship with him...I never knew it could be this short.......why is life like this...I feel helpless and lonely ...and I really felt like I'm a failure too... My bf tells me that, to him, I'm the kindest person in the world he has ever met....and he will miss me...but I don't know why he wants to break up then?... I care for him and worried about him...am I doing the wrong thing? He has been very nice and caring for me...and I know that I could never find anyone who could replace him in my heart... My hearts feels terrible now when I go past the places that we both have been dining out when we were happy together....and when I go shopping alone and I see the food that he likes to eat...it always reminds me of him.....it' sad and it made my tears roll down my cheeks like rain drops from a moutain side... I felt hurt....deeply hurt...
Worried - Wed Jan 6 10:43:17 1999

(Continued from previous...) Also, I have never done anything unfaithful to him....and same goes for him....I cried all night last night and when I heard the song "How Do I Live" from the radio...it makes me cry even more......the song means so much...every word in the lyrics...I remembered them all....
Worried - Wed Jan 6 10:51:40 1999

Worried - I would suggest you ask him if he is prepared to go on with the relationship at all, even if it means changing rules. If he is then see what you can negotiate. It may even be worth getting a relationship counsellor involved to hel you negotiate the new relationship. If he isn't willing to continue there isn't much you can do to save it. Make sure you have some friends who can help you over the rough patches.
Panther - Wed Jan 6 20:38:26 1999

I thank god everyday for my grrrl. She stole my heart 18mths ago and I've never looked happier. She is a beautiful soul, my boogey. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I couldn't ask for anything better. Each day i think i couldn't love her anymore and then she wakes up with me each morning and my heart is busting at the seams. Ain't life grand!
bubba's bubbaxxxoox - Wed Jan 6 21:33:16 1999

We all need friends outside of our relationships to sustain us through the rough bits that always seem to happen. Most of the guys i tend to meet don't understand that it takes two of u to make it work. I firmly believe that it's what's in your heart that counts the most in forming a beautiful relationship.
Eric - Sun Jan 17 22:39:36 1999

Love is something we learn. We are made to believe that we need someone in our lifes to be happy, but I think I am happy to be by myself. Friends are the people I choose to share my life with, I grow to be a better person, I become a better friend. Why not become a friend?
disco__cowboy - Mon Jan 18 12:41:14 1999

I think I'm going to be sick.
Bitter and lonely - Wed Jan 20 17:40:02 1999

Worried. You are not the only one. Whether gay, lesbian, straight or bi, a split from someone you love can hurt. Especially the first, because it is the first time that you are dealing with these emotions, and you have no previous experience to draw upon. You have heard the adage "time heals", but you at this point in time will flatout refuse to believe it - I know, I've been there. This emotional experience is gonna be a big learning point for you. I am not talking about whether or not you split up. Over time, you will be able to draw on this experience should you enter another relationship. Surprisingly, if the next one fails, it doesn't hurt as much. You probably won't understand this until further down the track, but as the others say, friends are a great help at this point in time.
Things will get better :) - Thu Jan 21 0:10:17 1999

I have always found that those who are hurt the most in a relationship usually come out the other side much stronger for the experience. Often also they are the ones who benefit most from the bust up....."Worried"..I guess what Im tryin to say is " get ya head out of this wankers arse" and look around there are people who deserve you more.
NotSoSensitive - Thu Jan 21 17:19:07 1999

Technowarrior loves Nat. Or at least, I might if I knew who he was.
Technowarrior - Thu Jan 21 22:43:32 1999

to a certain spuddy wuddy...hoping your heart is mended and your arms are filled with someones warm hug. Don't give up...I've never stopped believing in you..i know you can do it.xo
Sun Jan 24 15:45:53 1999

my baby is in boston and i am in sydney...i love her so much i am going there soon to be with her...she taught me to like myself, taught me to respect myself...i have never had so much fun...we talk, we laugh...she is my angel and i want to be with her always...
snortie'sqt - Sun Jan 24 18:08:14 1999

Advise sought - I have been in love with my best friend for nearly 18 months now , we have been friends for just over 3 years. I told him of my feelings about 8 months ago , while he was flating with me , which he accepted well , but said nothing would happen between us. 2 months ago he moved out saying that he couldnt handle the situation of me loving him & sharing with him also & not being able to live the life he wants. He felt uncomfortable bringing someone home , knowing i wouldnt like it. I tried to say it didnt worry me , to make him feel comfortable, but deep down it hurt unbelieveable. I made life hell for him when he told me he was moving out , something ill never forgive myself for , because it was probably the best thing to happen considering the circumstances. He has moved one suburb away with a good friend of both of us, so we still see each other quite often. We have "kissed & made up" over the moving out saga , but he is still finding it hard to totally forgive me for the way I carried on & what was said , which I cant blame him for, Thinking that the move away would be good for me , because he is not always around, this is not the case. I have found myself loving him more than ever before. This guy is the most unbelieveable human being God has put on this earth & I love him so much & cant let him go. Ive tried seeing other people , but all I do is think about him. Im at my wits end as to what to do, I just cant seperate my love for him & our friendship. Any advise or thoughts appreciated
Heartbroken - Mon Jan 25 12:54:04 1999

I need a relationship (boyfriend),I have never had one I have had boys as I am (20) I am not out but I need someone, I need a friend to talk too as I never have. My gay friend told me it is time to settle because I am starting to look at anyone and everyone he said I am turning out like a real tart. I'm in Brisbane and need a friend.
need to talk to someone - Mon Jan 25 15:25:29 1999

Heartbroken - There is no simple answer, or an answer for everyone. We are all different. I would suggest that you see a counsellor who can help you sort out your feelings. Call your local Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service for a referral.
Panther - Mon Jan 25 19:15:20 1999

need to talk to someone - Call your local Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service. They are someone to talk to. To have a relationship you need to find the right person. I would suggest you get some friends first though, people you can really talk to. Just talking to friends often helps make things clearer.
Panther - Mon Jan 25 19:17:40 1999

my girl is in sydney and she is the very best...i'm looking forward to being with ehr soon again...another 2 months or so...its not that long is it? 8 weeks...hmmm...nah...i don't thinks so...by the way what's a filthy american doing with a goreous australian? how did i get so lucky? more americans should learn from me...they'd be much better americans (and very much in love ;-)
dream keeper's hun - Tue Jan 26 5:11:13 1999

need to talk to someone: Hi, I'm 19 and also in Brisbane.... I often get lonely and I'd love someone to talk to!!!!
Wed Jan 27 0:18:48 1999

I'm an attractive 19 yo guy in Brisbane....I'm lonely....aaaggggghh Anyone looking for friends???? (possibly more)
Brisbane Guy - Wed Jan 27 23:25:22 1999

Brisbane Guy - Try to make some friends who are not possibly more. We all need friends, good friends, who we can just talk to, who are there for us when we need them, who we are happy to let cry on our shoulder. They are not easy to come by. In fact I would say friends are even more important than a relationship.
Panther - Thu Jan 28 9:10:57 1999

This is a message to Catherine, who I love with all my heart, just in case that she, in an attempt to understand, stumbles upon this board. Catherine, I love you. I know that you find that really hard to believe and understand, but it's true. I don't even really understand it myself. It's OK that you don't understand, although, if you're reading this I guess you must be trying to. Don't. There isn't anything to understand about the way I feel about you- it just is, and it will always be the same, unchanging throughout time (must be the scorpio aspects of my character!). From the very first day I met you, I found you intriguing. I suppose you could see that. I'm sorry that you found out that it was more than that... I didn't want to hurt, disgust or frighten you. I'm sorry for the embarrassment and humiliation you must have felt. I'm sorry that I didn't try to help you more. I didn't understand either. I was frightened too. I just wish that things were different- no, that's wrong. It would be nice (that's not a strong enough word) if you could feel the same way as I do, but for that to happen, you would have to be a different person, not the Catherine I know and love, and you are perfect just the way you are. I guess what I am trying to say is, I will always love you, even if you can never love me back, no matter where, when or what happens. Thankyou for sharing a small part of your life (and trombone, and sense of humour...)with me over the past two years. You will always be in my thoughts, dreams and songs for the rest of my life.
Jen Phraser, Brisbane - Thu Jan 28 20:58:32 1999

How am I going to go on without seeing her (even from a distance) every day? Why are all the great women I meet str8? Why do I keep doing this to myself? Dispair!! Does anyone have any suggestions on where someone who can't go to clubs and is to shy/scared to be fully out can meet people who are not str8? I need friends more than anything...
Jen Phraser, Brisbane - Thu Jan 28 21:05:55 1999

Thanks Panther........I guess you're right... Friends are really important.......I'm just soooooo shy and reserved when it comes to meeting people..."Please Help Me...........The only real friends I have are female, and that's scary when I'm gay (even though, they have been a big help to me, and meant heaps to me)...Any guys near Brisbane feeling lonely and in need of true friends???? I'm really caring and understanding!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brisbane Guy 19 - Fri Jan 29 21:32:42 1999

Brisbane Guy 19 - Pubs are a difficult place to mmet people, unless you already know lots or are quite extroverted. Social groups are a bit easier because you will be introduced to people, then be "forced" to talk with them.
Panther - Sat Jan 30 9:09:51 1999

I was in a very happy, loving relationship that lasted for six and a half years, it began when we were both twenty. We had bought a car, a house, have two dogs and a close circle of exceptional friends. The conversations we had would last for hours, we talked about anything and everyhting....... but then one day you'll do something like come home from work at lunch to leave money for a tradesman, only to find your partner who you thought you knew, being shagged by your father over the laundry tubs...with amyl, in mid sniff. Sounds like an urban myth, but now it's my reality.... I did the adult thing, I caught a plane that same hour to Perth. I know affairs happen, all the time. Hetrosexual or homosexual....But my DAD?? My Partner??.....Mum?? I dont know what to do, I dont know how to handle it..... regardless who I talk to to "sort thru these feelings".... I will probably never know.
beeker - Mon Feb 1 1:57:28 1999

Well buddy that's a bloody hideous story, but if it's A N Y consolation, I'll bet they're felling like miserable low life scum about it now.
Mon Feb 1 5:14:59 1999

To my biker girl, You were pointing out our stars in the sky as we were lying on the field. I started to inch towards you until our arms were brushing against each other. I turned towards you and was trying so hard not to reach over and nibble on your earlobe. See u on Fri.
Mon Feb 1 22:06:25 1999

DJ, DJ I love you. I notice the hints you showed on last Saturday night, but I didn't really responded. Infact you backed off to quickly show that you are not gay by doing st8 things and avoiding me afterwards, so that I might not suspect that you are gay, if I wasn't. DJ I really love you, it's just that I am not really sure, if you were gay. I know you denid it before when I ask you, but now I definitely think you are gay or at least bi. Come out to me as soon as you read this( if you ever do ), because I am too shy to do it.
LTL - Wed Feb 3 2:58:19 1999

Ive sadely ended a relationship of nearly four years..all because of his emotional baggage. No matter what I did or asked and talked through would he break away from his 2 last relationships, they use him for his money and never seem to be able to move ahead for all round good. Why is it soooooooo many people carry emotional baggage(so its called) after each relationship etc. Love to hear from people by email to, Im genuine very cute str8 30yo aussie guy. davbrow62@hotmail.com Take it easy
Dav - Thu Feb 4 13:10:00 1999

At the moment i feel turn apart, on one hand a guy says he loves me who i have little emotional feelings for, and on the other hand i have a guy who i do have deeper feelings for. The one who says he loves me is terminally ill and tried to kill himself because he says i don't love him. I feel a wreck inside, he belives all the answers to his problems lies in taking a bottle of pills and ending it all. I just want some understanding from him. I am not able to care for him, but yet what can i do?
E - Fri Feb 5 15:26:31 1999

To E- I attempted suicide last year, partially because the woman I was in love with told me that she would probably never be able to love me the way I loved her. What I needed most was support. Maybe just being around as a friend, although making it clear that you don't love him (maybe by taking along someone else you do have feelings for?) would help. Although I'm no expert! Good luck and a big hug for strength (you'll need it),
Jen - Fri Feb 5 17:23:02 1999

Well I guess it is my turn, perhaps someone can shed some light on what I should do. I have always been attracted to men very different from myself, mostly ones from the school of hard knocks. About 13 months ago I found myself a real doozie and I could not resist. To give you the scenario: "D" was fostered out at 1 week old. Foster father deserted when "D" was five. At 11 he was raped a number of times by his foster brother in law. At 19, the foster mother (who was a real tyrant) died. Foster sister is now an alcoholic. Foster niece is a drug addict. "D" is epileptic with several other problems. A virgin until I met him. Robbed several times, has very few possessions but what he has he guards with his life. He trusts NO ONE, has communication difficulties, and is almost impossible to get close to him. OK now me. "A". From the most stable loving background you could imagine, with a very strong set of standards. Own home, investments, BMW, high profile job, world traveller etc. We are both reasonable looking and of similar age around 30s. Its not the 50 year old sugar daddy seeks son age 20 syndrome. In the last year "D" has accepted his sexuality, had several operations to fix problems, has his epilepsy under control, came out to his foster niece, met his biological family, has his "dream" job, a stable subsidised place to live, plus a few other wins. Its been bloody hard work. Now to the problems. a/ My sister is recently widowed at 40, and she is moving in so that I can look after her for a while. Now "D" has no concept of family values, standards and expectations. He is highly resistant and does not want to integrate. b/ "D" becomes aggressive if anyone goes near his posessions because of the lack of trust. c/ "D" still believes he can do anything he wants to without consideration of others. d/ "D" does not contribute to household duties, leaving the shopping, cooking, cleaning etc to others. He says he does not recognise it and needs to be reminded/told what to do. I believe it is time for "D" to begin making an effort to integrate, trust, be considerate and contribute. "D" thinks I am asking too much. Despite being very patient, I can't continue as is, and I think I deserve better treatment (I am often treated like shit). We are considering going our own seperate ways. What do you think?
Drew - Fri Feb 5 23:21:03 1999

E - First, you cannot take responsibility for other people's feelings. You can be there for them and support them if they need it, but you can't feel yourself responsible for his love for you. Second - (this was told to me by a lifeline counsellor) if someone is thinking of suicide then it is best to confront that issue directly. Ask him if he is, and if he says yes, get him to talk to Lifeline or some other counselling service. Get their phone number and put it where he can use it. It sounds like he needs some counselling anyway to help cope with his condition. Also you will need to make a distinction between suicide and euthenasia in his case because he is terminally ill (I don't know how healthy he is, or how long he has to live). There are lots of support services and palliative care for the terminally ill, maybe get him to talk to them.
Panther - Sat Feb 6 11:37:03 1999

Yes Drew..I think "D" is playing the victim and taking his self pity too far. A lot of people have had lousy childhoods, and well you can't live your life resenting it. It seems D has been dealt some good hands recently, subsidised accom, a good job, a loving partner etc..which is more than I can say i have at the moment. D needs to realise that he is not so hardly done by, and that in fact he is very lucky to be on top, he should be proud of his achievments and growth and should just keep growing. He sounds very selfish in a way to me, and is taking your love for granted. you, on the other hand seem to feel "guilt" for having the bmw, nice house and so to compensate you put up with D's treatment of you ? There is nothing wrong with having nice things that you have worked hard for, but from what you have written it seems that D is somehow envious of this, and wants to hurt you for having it. As far as the house hold stuff goes there is absolutely no excuse for his slothenly attitude, he has to pull his weight around himself..learn to share (if that is possible)...he will find it very rewarding if he tries. Basically he is jealous of your sister, and the relationship you have with her. You seem to be a very caring brother for helping her like this. Sadly I am too a lost child that was taken from the natural mother, alas, she has vetoed any contact with me, which hurt me more than anything..D has everything I want - he has met his natural family, he has a job he enjoys, cheap rent and a wonderful partner...remind him that there are others a lot worse off than him out there who are managing to come to terms with life. As for you A, your sister is going to be there for you long after D has gone, so if it a choice between her and a beligerant D...pick your sis.
hope this helps - Sat Feb 6 11:40:37 1999

Drew - I can't help with all your points, but maybe I make some suggestions for a couple of them. It might be worth talking to a social worker to find out how you can deal with "D"s psychological problems. Also you could talk to a counsellor about your own situation, or try couples counselling. On to your points: b/ How about letting "D" have a room or cupboard or place of his own where he can put his possessions, secure them how he likes (locks, whatever) and make sure no one goes near them. d/ How about making a roster together of all the chores and who does them.
Panther - Sat Feb 6 11:49:06 1999

Just wondering if anyone could offer some advice on this tricky situation. I have basically been going out with a guy for 2 and a half years, although we were officially going out for 1 1/2 years, and I broke it off at the beginning of last year. We have continued to see each other quite regularly and still sleep with each other. I do love him, although I know it's not the same kind of love I felt for him when during the first year or so. He is a great guy - funny, cute, thoughtful etc. He is, however, about 5 years younger than me (I'm 25) and i think to some extent this is where some of the problems between us eminate. I am out to the fam who are really cool and know and like him, but he is not. He lives in an all female household, none of whom know, and has no plans to tell them. I often stay the night and am a regular visitor to his house. His mum likes me but she really has no idea what is going on - thinks I am a friend from uni. I do like him a lot but (and I think it might be due to maturity/age issues) at the moment he is not the person I see myself going out with or considering to be my boyfriend. If people ask (which they always do), we are 'not going out', and yet most of the elements of a relationship are there. He would like us to keep the relationship the way it is and says that if I find someone else we will deal with the 'breaking-up' issues then... I love him and don't want to hurt him but at the same time I feel that if I did find someone else, he would take the back seat pretty quick - this is what i think and i hate it about myself but at the same time i can't not see him... Does anyone know what I am talking about? It's really confusing and it's been going on now for quite a while... Some people say I should just go cold turkey but I don't want to do that - we tried it b4 and it didn't work. I guess at the moment I am trying to decide what sort of relationship we could have if not bf and bf. Any help would be greatly appreciated :)
sam - Mon Feb 8 15:50:52 1999

Brendan I Love You Forever You give me every reason to live every day in happiness xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jeff - Tue Feb 9 21:39:35 1999

Jeff I am the one who is under your spell....I will love you always too :)
*Brendan* - Wed Feb 10 9:02:46 1999

Drew, I read your story.i think you need to have a real think about what you want from a relationship and from life. Is this what you want. Your friend sounds like a victim.A relationship should make you happy. this doesn't sound like happiness. Also perhaps you could look at what attracted you to him in the first place.You might be a bit of a rescuer.I suggest you access a counsellor and try and sort through all of this.
Thu Feb 11 22:31:13 1999

Sam - You have lots of issues to work through with this relationship. Start by making a list of what is good and what is bad about the r'ship. It might then be worth talking to your local gay and lesbian counselling service.
Panther - Fri Feb 12 8:48:32 1999

Drew - Thu Feb 11 22:31.... has some good advice there. Get some help, it sounds like a very difficult situation for you to work through on your own. Sometimes we have to walk away from some situations that are a constant source of heartache. I'm a bit of a rescuer too I think (and just had to walk away from a difficult relationship also, not the first). One of the first rules of "rescue" is not to put yourself under threat or jeopardy before you save someone else. Look after yourself first and if you are then able to without harm to yourself (I'm trying to be metaphorical here, hope it makes sense), then be a rescuer if you want to. Good luck Drew, you have my empathy.
N - Fri Feb 12 14:16:16 1999

Playing the rescuer, when you yourself need rescuing can be hard in life. There's work still to be done in this world. At the moment I just need time to explore who I am, after recovering from an abusive relationship. What I want in my life is a guy who understands the individual and unique aspects of who we are as people, not somebody to have sex with then walk away into the night. Does anyone else feel sick of being used? Ultimately I believe that those who use people are used themselves.
Troubled - Fri Feb 12 15:13:13 1999

Sat Feb 13 2:59:16 1999

I need your analysis... I've broken up with my live-in girlfriend of 18 months 2 months ago. We are on talking terms until a few days ago when I asked for her credit card back (my bank account but she pays me back for the stuff she buys). Her reaction totally confused me. She gave her card back there and then when I asked her to. But she became cold and walked away when I asked her if she knew my reasons for wanting the card back (although to me the reasons were obvious). I called her today and she did not want to speak to me. Since she was the one who wanted a breakup, why is she behaving this way? Am I being petty for getting the card back? Isn't it expected that these things be returned when a couple breaks up? I need your opinion. Email me wwings@usa.net
Sun Feb 14 3:01:53 1999

Troubled; Yes, like tends to attract like. It's a natural thing. Nobodys perfect. At least if we can have some insight into our problems and some understanding and empathy for those around us then we can go a long way to reaching our goals. I think anyone who is being used and or abused would be sick of it (masochistic tendencies aside). At least you could consider yourself fortunate that you are out of your relationship that was obviously not good for you and look forwards to finding something else that may work better for you.
N - Sun Feb 14 5:34:42 1999

Wwings - Your ex probably hadn't thought through all the implications of what breaking up would mean. Or maybe just the fact that you asked gave her another reason to hate you.

I have found that it is very difficult to become friends immediately after you break up. For a while you stay talking and things look good. Then you start getting on with your life and the "friendship" suffers. I think the hurt has to run its course before you can be friends. (This is my experience and is probably a horrible generalisation.)
Panther - Sun Feb 14 8:59:26 1999

Sydney 18/gam, 175cm, 57kgs, slim built, fit, *very cute* true, easy goin, nice personality, carin, seekin a serious r/ship. I used to live in LA so have LA accent. hee hee Im lookin for some1 who's good lookin or cute and under 25. Some1 who's very carin, passionate, nice, humourous, easy goin, and romantic. Some1 also has time that i can spend with. That's bout it. HOpe ya guys can e-mail me as soon as possible. okie.
willis C. - Sun Feb 14 21:19:32 1999

Please help, I want to move in with my partner, but they want to live in the inner west and i live near the ocean. Partner says that it's too expensive to get a house near the ocean and that you can have backyards and laundries in west. I hate the inner west and Parramatta Road, i go into convulsions entering Petersham..and the pollution is really bad...what should I do. I am not financially able to keep my place overlooking the beach. ?
sandy - Wed Feb 17 9:12:47 1999

http://www.ilovethisplace.com/4us Togetherness - free gay and lesbian greeting cards, information on developing healthy relationships, creating commitment ceremonies, etc.
Wed Feb 17 20:00:58 1999

Sandy - This is what is called compromise. How about each writing a list of what you must have in a home, then what you would like. Merge the lists and then go house hunting.
Panther - Thu Feb 18 9:02:10 1999

Ive been with my babe for 1 & a bit years, our anniversary was on 1st January. all I can say is love is gooooood. I was previously in a 9 year relationship, hey it was great - no regrets - its just that when that fat lady starts singin - get off the stage, or prepare to go into verbal battle. It does take a while to get over love gone wrong but when you do - Yee Ha. I had a three year break inbetween relationships , played the single grrl field for a while. you need time out after some relationships but when you finally meet someone special its the ultimate high. I love you m.k.d ,you make my life a happy place. Cant wait to snog, dance & cause lots of mischief at the M.G. with you.
Rudie R - Sun Feb 21 12:33:46 1999

I met a beautiful woman in, believe it or not, aol chat rooms. She lives in California and I in NJ. We e-talked for a week, spoke on the phone for a month and then we met when she came east on business. I had an instant attraction to her physically. When we parted after a dizzyingly wonderful 2 days (and nites!) together, we talked almost every day. She called me as m