I've been "out" now for about three weeks (I say "out" because I don't
really think I was ever "in". I never made any attempt to hide my
sexuality, but I never acted particularly gay.)
I came out to a close friend on one day and (while I was riding the just-out euphoria) came out to my parents over the phone the next day. They took it fine. They'd never suspected I was gay, or given much thought to the matter of my sexuality or rather, lack of it - I'd never dated, never even talked about girls (or boys) but apparently the fact that their otherwise normal 20 year-old son had no sex drive to speak of didn't concern my parents. Anyway, they're cool, ex-hippy liberal types, and didn't bat an eye (so to speak: I couldn't see they're faces at the time, but you know what I mean.) Mum said to be sure to use a condom (duh! after years of her safe-sex brainwashing it wouldn't even occur to me not to), more of the same from Dad. I think they're secretly pleased that at least one member of the family has a bit counter-cultural street-cred - no one else is even remotely controversial.
My sister was cool, she'd joke about me being gay but never actually thought I was (I was just her annoying piece-of-shit older brother) and was pleased to be proven right! The adorable little bitch! :-) So, everyone's been incredibly blasé (well, it *is* the '90's).
After getting all worked up about it, I was sort of secretly hoping for a bit of a scene: a little shouting, a few tears, the odd girl flinging herself into the ocean when she discovers she can't have me, that kind off thing. But all-in-all, I'm glad its been so uneventful. I feel great, no one treats me any differently, why didn't I do it earlier?
Before I came out I had never experienced emotional rollercoaster that Matt talked about. I couldn't: I didn't allow myself to feel. I was to afraid of being hurt by people I love and of hurting and disappointing them, that I turned my heart into a desert. In the past few months, I had convinced myself that I had no "soul" (for want of a better word - I'm not religious- perhaps 'humanity' is a better word.) I was dried up inside and honestly didn't care if I lived or died. All this because of something I have no choice over. How can you be guilty for something that isn't your fault?
I decided that I didn't care if I got hurt, if people rejected me - fuck 'em, they don't deserve to know me! People can take me or leave me but I'm sick of being alone, lonely, bitter and desiccated. Better to feel something, even if it hurts sometimes than to wall yourself up and wither away. So, I took the chance and came out. No one has rejected me (not that I care if they do, of course!). In fact, people seem to like me more now that I'm no longer a miserable bastard. I'm the same old me, but I actually smile now. It's fun.
My point is Matt (and I speak from almost no experience here at all - take it with a grain of salt), most people don't care who you choose to fall in love with as long as it makes you happy. Parents especially want their kids to be happy, whether they're straight, gay, have two heads, whatever - its not an issue. Some people think it's bad to be gay - so what? Stay away from them and pity them for being so ignorant. If you really feel you must, you could try to educate them. Being gay isn't easy, but neither is being straight, or a teenager, or a human being. The way I see it, everyone gets dealt out a certain amount of shit that they have to cope with. If we weren't gay we'd have some other problem that we'd be bitching and moaning about. It's part of life. It doesn't matter who you are, who you want to shag or where you live, life can be fucking hard. Life can also be fucking great. Live it. Every minute of it - the good ones and the bad. Be happy. Have fun. And don't give a shit about homophobes, they don't know what they're missing.
Rob, 4th April 1999