Pinkboard Graffiti Wall - Relationship

New Wall New Wall woo hoo !!!

New wall yay !!!!

http://www.realeuphoria.com/?p=2057

... I believe sites should not confuse matters. If you have a site like Manhunt that caters to all, then you are going to get a lot of people ticking the relationship box a part of the course, even if it’s not that real. That is why I feel that a site like Manhunt should stick to their core business which is promoting sex. ...

Not sure how this will sound, so I hope I get what I want to say out alright...

I have a best mate who I have known since roughly 1999, we slept together in 2000 (and a few more times in 2001 though he doesn't remember).

He is the closest person I have ever had in my life and I love him dearly, as a friend, but as a potential partner. Here's where it gets sticky - he is partnered, but sleeps around with other guys.

Lately things have been a bit strained, I just can't seem to share my feelings with him. For example, he said about someone that, 'I like him, I can't help How I feel'and someone else he slept with: 'I could easily fall in love with him'. This felt like a kick in the teeth to me, as why can't I say I like (or even love) him and that I can't help how I feel, without havimng to feel bad about it?

No idea where to go from here. Should I just shut my mouth and continue to keep everything bottled up for the sake of us staying best mates? All I want is to be able to tell him everything I'm feeling without judgement or him getting upset with me. I feel totally comfortable with him and we get along so well. Have had my heart broken a few times in the period I've know him (as I said since '99), and this I think helped me see how much I want to be with him.

Guess my wish is, that he's pushing me away because maybe he does love me but can't bring himself to admit it, as slim a chance as that may be I'm not one to give up easily, especially as he is truely 'the one" to me.

Gee a psychiatrist would have a field day with me, hehehe

Maybe it is worth seeing a psych or councillor. They may help you find some resolution. I think you need resolution one way or the other.

Hey guys ( & Professor - r u still around ??) I haven't chatted/left a message here 4 a while - & now seek yr advice(s).

I've often found - especially with Asian guys - that if they really like u (but u don't show immediate / reciprocate eye contact, let alone anything less subtle (eg actual sex) etc ) - they then seem to walk away; ie. don't keep on 'trying' etc.

But more especially is this the case - when I've interviewed flatmates who seem (more) interested in me than the Accommodation - y is it so ? (with due respect to (the late) Prof Julius Sumner miller). Y do they walk away - is it because they're less interested in the accom. & more me/the person ? & is it because if they stay with me BUT I don't reciprocate their(sexual ?)interest - then they consider they're wasting their time with me ?

This also seems to contradict my experience with , generally speaking, non-Asians, who seem mainly interested in the accom. & less the person.

Your advice would b appreciated - 2good2btrue ?

Re:27th Aug
Hey mate, very brave of you to come out and express this problem. You say you feel comfortable with him, but i wonder if you feel comfortable about his expressing his attraction to other guys. I dont know how you feel about open relationships or partners that sleep with other people secretly or openly, but if your love for him is as profound as you express, maybe there would be a problem, as you would want his love for you only. I am in a gay relationship, and all around me, sharing the love literally is the thing to do. Cant go there. Not judging, really i am not. Just believe that the kind of love you think you feel for him, may not be the same kind of love value he has, even if he does love you. I have a beautiful guy friend who i love dearly, he loved his boyfriend, and i believe he did, but could not be faithful or give him the love he needed. Nothing wrong with it, just different values. Problem is our emotions scream loudly that this person can love us-thats our ego...if i were you, i would look in the mirror, and ask what YOU want, not what he can give you. Then if you know, you can confidently go out and get it. If that means telling him how you feel do it, just think about the possibilities:how will you feel if he cant reciprocate? And about holding it in so as to maintain this friendship without dramas, honesty in the gay scene and all scenes really is hard to find:in time repressed feelings usually change for the negative as the feelings dont come to any fruition. I am sure you are intelligent, sincere, loving and honest:dont sell yourself short. I know what it feels like to be sure someone is the right person. And you keep feeling rejected or not fulfilled. Luckily my persistence ended well, my partner is my soulmate and i respect them for waiting so they were sure. But i thought they were the right one because i measured my values against their demonstrated values. Otherwise i would not have pursued, it was so frustrating. Just be protective of your heart, never stop throwing some caution to the wind, that makes life fun. But know that these feelings for him make a perfect opportunity for disappointment. Or you could just say stuff it it will be worth it and just give him a part of you that he will enjoy, but that you can afford to lose. Who knows you may take the biggest risk and get the biggest return. Good luck, and whatever happens, dont take the lifejacket off......

I agree with everything that Kurandagirl has said. You enjoy your friend's company but you can't speak openly of your feelings for him and you squirm inside every time he expresses interest in another guy. He doesn't even remember sleeping with you! I was in a similar situation once for a year or so before exploding with frustration. How have you put up with this for so long? Why not lay your cards on the table. He will almost certainly tell you that he doesn't reciprocate your love but perhaps you need to hear that spoken aloud so that you move. Right now you sound very very stuck. It's a very uncomfortable place to be.

I just want to ask, "Is there anyone in the Gay Scene, no matter what their age, background etc interested in a 1-1 relationship?"
Because my last relationship lead me into believing that. My ex bf played up every bloody chance he had. To the stage of doing beats within his work area.......a bloody University....doing both staff and students.
BITTER!!! Yeah........I know get over it.........move on.
I want a bf who I can LOVE, care for and be there for in both the good and bad times.

I am constantly amazed that there are men who believe that those two words belong on the same line. I am from a school of thought that said 'open relationships' were about two people sharing what was on their minds and in their hearts. The trails and the tribulations of everyday Life ... NOT other people's Lovers! How can any man simply abandon his partner to sniff out sex somewhere else when he should be in his own bed with the man whose feelings and emotions he really cares about.

Know the feeling. Its a sad fact of life.

First let me say that all relationships are not the same. What works for one couple may not work for another. For some sharing is the rule while for others one chooses to do all the housework. Some couples are neat, others are messy. Similarly, some are monogamous, others aren't. We need to accept that there is as much diversity in relationships as there is in people.

As to your description of open relationships, seeking sex is not necessarily abandoning your partner. Sex is just one aspect of a relationship. You could just as easily say that someone who is investing money outside a relationship is abandoning their partner.

What works for one relationship may not work for another.

While typing my reply above I noticed the photo of Craig and Shane. In the SSO this week it said that the bashing happened a year ago and that the police have now closed the case. There is, however, a documentary being made about it.

As an ignorant Melbournite, can I ask who are Craig and Shane?

Hi Morrie

That's the couple at the top of this wall, I think, appearing at the head of this year's Mardi Gras Parade. They were together on Crown Street near Oxford Street here in Sydney a year ago when one of them in particular was severely beaten and robbed by homophobic young male adults or youths. The perpetrators (still at large) left a message on a stolen mobile to someone they presumed was their victim's mother to the effect "we killed your faggot son".

They survived and someone has made or is making a documentary about the crime and its aftermath which you may be able to see soon. The bashing led directly to a fairly large rally in Harmony Square (near the Surry Hills Police Station and Oxford Street) which may have led to actions being taken to make police patrols in the area more frequent and police more responsive (as the boys felt the police didn't do enough for them when they reported the crime and spoke to our queer media about it leading to the rally). The local police command also got new leadership as a direct result.

What many of us fall for is confusing sex or the act of making love with love.As I get older I see the difference. The two are not always simultaneous.Sometimes your mind tricks you into thinking you actually love someone your f***ing but in reality your shortchanging yourself by staying within your comfort zone,within what you know instead of going out into the unknown.
If someone makes you feel bad move on and don't be afraid.No matter what scene or type your into there is plenty of fish in the ocean ,sample as many as you can, but it will take patience to land the big catch.

I've just come looking here, first time in a while, and stumbled across this graffiti wall. I wanted to add my 2c worth.

I'm 28 and have pretty much given up trying to find a relationship. Believe me, I've tried though. There's one nightclub here - but unless you have the body of a supermodel, bitch about how you broke a nail, and don't wear any clothes that cost less than $250 a piece, you will not fit in - and I fit into none of this. There's also one bar here, but again the crowd that seems to turn up are very different from what I want to go for. Good for conversation, but from what I've seen of it so far, I'm not going to get anything more out of it. There are community events, but you can only do those so many times here before you get bored of them because they are the same thing over and over again. I have tried online, which is good if you are into the one night stands (which I'm not) however the only people that fit what I'm looking for seem to be those that frequent Club Supermodel.

As a result, I've learnt to appreciate being single. I've realised that, while I may want to find 'the one' the chase does not seem to be worth the effort and the heartbreak. I hope that the discussion of relationships recognises that there are those that are single, either by circumstance or by choice.

dw, That's sounds really sad. In my experience, friends have fallen quickly into happy relationships when they genuinely open themselves to this possibility, either through something important changing their lives or getting counselling. That's happened in my own life too. Unless you live in a small country town, there really is someone out there for you, if only you have the eyes to see him.

It's sad to find someone so young, jaded so soon.

I'm really curious though, why the general community fixation on relationship or nothing. Is there no middle ground in the development of a friendship that can deepen into a "relationship" or even remain a friendship (perhaps with benefits)?

There's a beautiful line in the movie "My Life" which goes something like this: if you like someone enough, and enough, enough, then maybe you will find out what love is too.

The trick is finding someone you can like and who likes you in return, to get the ball rolling, in the first place.

Anyway, who am I kidding when I even have difficulty developing friendships?

There doesn't appear to be a ready mechanism for like-minded guys to find each other, unless it's for a sexually orientated interaction.

Perhaps it's the attitude that an interaction doesn't need to be cultivated or nurtured, because "there is always something better around the corner", so it becomes just another part of the throw-away society: throw someone else's feelings out the window along with them, because we can't be stuffed in actually getting to know the real person.

Maybe we need more forums to raise issues that we normally keep hidden and are too afraid to expose (ridicule, humiliation, not being seen as one of the "in" together guys) and thus promote an environment of learning, support and hopefully change.

Well spoken (um...written) SP.

Wow - no postings here since February. Things have come to a pretty pass.

Morrie, they're all out searching for relationships LOL

The Same-Sex Marriage Campaign is calling on Same-Sex couples to participate in the biggest ever “Illegal” Same-Sex Wedding. A mass Same-Sex wedding demonstration will be held as part of the National Day of Action for Same-Sex Marriage in Sydney on Saturday August the 1st.

Pastor Karl Hand from Crave MCC will be officiating over the ceremony and stated that: “The so called progressive governments in America and Australia have been really slow in recognising the equality of queer people. And have stalled on so many of the promises that they have made. It’s time for queer people to stand up and take their future into their own hands.”

Hand also stated his hopes for this years National Day of Action for Same-Sex Marriage “My hope for NDA this year is that we will make it really clear to the Rudd Government that human rights are not optional and that our community will not tolerate them being delayed. It would be amazing if lots of people could come to the NDA this year to help us to make that point.”

Participants on the day will be presented with an official “illegal” Australian Marriage certificate and are invited to write their own vows if they choose to do so.

The Same-Sex Marriage Campaign is fast gaining momentum. “With recent polls showing 6 out of 10 Australians now support Same-Sex marriage and with the introduction of the Federal Same-Sex Marriage bill into parliament last Wednesday now is the best time to stand up and show support for full equality for same-sex couples and create real change” - Emilia Lawonski Community Action Against Homophobia Co-Convenor

Mass wedding demonstrations will also be held as part of the National Day of Action for Same-Sex Marriage in Melbourne and Canberra.

Willing participants can now register online at: www.caah.org.au/nda or e-mail: caahsydney@gmail.com.

My name is Tom i am a gay man looking for my soulmate in life i would dearly love my partner to be a Crossdresser, Transsexul,Transgender,or a Transvestite, lady slim attractive,Any nice ladies out there please get in touch with me i do live alone no baggage have my own house and car just want someone to go out with as my lady and Partner and to love and care for her. Love Tom xxxx

Why is a gay man attracted to a make-pretend woman? Odd!

We are postgraduate students from Macquarie University conducting research on gay relationships, sexual experience, feelings about the self, and religion. To find out more, or begin the confidential online survey simply go to: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=yT9GaHot0qK3dHSfEXc4Wg_3d_3d.

Whilst the Personals are the most appropriate place for adverts of the nature of the OP's post, I'm saddened that the responder has chosen to question and demean another's preference.

Asking why a gay man is attracted to "make-pretend" women is akin to heterosexuals asking why a man is sexually attracted to another man and calling it odd.

I think it highlights how the society still tends to compartmentalise people into exclusive gay or straight categories (and their associated stereotypical characteristics) and refuses to consider that there is a multi-dimensional spectrum of physical, behavioural and emotional expression by human beings that just "is" and is okay.

The responder is probably curious and perhaps if someone here is attracted crossdresser's could they be kind enough to put into words the reasons why...
Leather/PVC/watersports etc though we may not participate we basically have lots of information as to peoples attractions to these type of fetish's whereas cross dressers we do not really have much.